The excerpt basically relays what I've been telling my male friends for years when they say they can't figure out how to treat a woman, as in: if it's OK to open the door, pick up the check, etc. The answers are yes, and yes, btw. That latter one has been the subject of many conversations with male and female friends, and through trial and error I arrived at this conclusion: When dating (at least for the first several dates), let the guy pick up the check. It shows he's got manners (if he's the one who invited you out, which is usually the case), he's considerate and that he likes you (I've never heard of a guy hesitating to pick up the check when he was was really into a woman; something chivalrous just kicks in, at least if he's interested in you and quite often when he's not -- which is why it's such a big signal that a guy's not feeling any sparks if he sits there ignoring the check). I would sometimes pick up my half of the check when still single, and it changed the tone of the date and the guys thought I just wanted to be friends or that I was saying "I don't like you." Even women I've known who said they insist on going dutch eventually changed their mind when they realized they were robbing themselves of a chance to find out something about a man's attitudes and feelings for them by letting him pick up the check. It may sound old-fashioned, but it really is important, at least early in a relationship when you don't know much about each other. And the man can learn something important when he picks up the check too: whether or not the woman graciously accepts your thoughtfulness with a word of thanks, or whether she takes it for granted. That also says something about her personality and what you can expect if you keep dating.
Tuesday, 25 September 2007
A guide for guys -- sweet!
The Times (London) had a story Monday titled "Because we're worth it" that gave an excerpt from a new book that gives men advice on how to be chivalrous without being sexist. Really, it's just a guide to the common manners that will make chicks dig you -- or at least convince them to give you a chance before writing you off completely.
The excerpt basically relays what I've been telling my male friends for years when they say they can't figure out how to treat a woman, as in: if it's OK to open the door, pick up the check, etc. The answers are yes, and yes, btw. That latter one has been the subject of many conversations with male and female friends, and through trial and error I arrived at this conclusion: When dating (at least for the first several dates), let the guy pick up the check. It shows he's got manners (if he's the one who invited you out, which is usually the case), he's considerate and that he likes you (I've never heard of a guy hesitating to pick up the check when he was was really into a woman; something chivalrous just kicks in, at least if he's interested in you and quite often when he's not -- which is why it's such a big signal that a guy's not feeling any sparks if he sits there ignoring the check). I would sometimes pick up my half of the check when still single, and it changed the tone of the date and the guys thought I just wanted to be friends or that I was saying "I don't like you." Even women I've known who said they insist on going dutch eventually changed their mind when they realized they were robbing themselves of a chance to find out something about a man's attitudes and feelings for them by letting him pick up the check. It may sound old-fashioned, but it really is important, at least early in a relationship when you don't know much about each other. And the man can learn something important when he picks up the check too: whether or not the woman graciously accepts your thoughtfulness with a word of thanks, or whether she takes it for granted. That also says something about her personality and what you can expect if you keep dating.
The excerpt basically relays what I've been telling my male friends for years when they say they can't figure out how to treat a woman, as in: if it's OK to open the door, pick up the check, etc. The answers are yes, and yes, btw. That latter one has been the subject of many conversations with male and female friends, and through trial and error I arrived at this conclusion: When dating (at least for the first several dates), let the guy pick up the check. It shows he's got manners (if he's the one who invited you out, which is usually the case), he's considerate and that he likes you (I've never heard of a guy hesitating to pick up the check when he was was really into a woman; something chivalrous just kicks in, at least if he's interested in you and quite often when he's not -- which is why it's such a big signal that a guy's not feeling any sparks if he sits there ignoring the check). I would sometimes pick up my half of the check when still single, and it changed the tone of the date and the guys thought I just wanted to be friends or that I was saying "I don't like you." Even women I've known who said they insist on going dutch eventually changed their mind when they realized they were robbing themselves of a chance to find out something about a man's attitudes and feelings for them by letting him pick up the check. It may sound old-fashioned, but it really is important, at least early in a relationship when you don't know much about each other. And the man can learn something important when he picks up the check too: whether or not the woman graciously accepts your thoughtfulness with a word of thanks, or whether she takes it for granted. That also says something about her personality and what you can expect if you keep dating.
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