Ticking to a Different Tock

Snowfall signals end times in UK

2012-02-06T15:35:00.008Z

See that, up above? That is mayhem. That is destruction. That is the tiny dribble of snow that tossed Britian into chaos harder than a monkey tosses poo at those dorks who heckle primates at the zoo. Or at least that's what some news outlets would have you think. It really didn't cause major problems down South (except at the mighty Heathrow), but I'm assuming it did in other parts of the UK -- or else newspapers just love to exagerate the headlines. Probably, it's a little of both.

Here's one from the Telegraph (which actually read "Just three inches of snow halts half of all flights at Heathrow" on the main page):

Britain faces a month of weather chaos as snow wrecks travel plans

Those type of headlines are balanced out, oddly enough, by a very unlikely voice of reason -- The Daily Mail. It suggests:

Scaremongering weathermen need to chill out, this is NOT Siberian weather

Y'all, when the freakin' Daily Mail is telling you to take it down a notch, you know things have gotten out of control. It may be a sign of the end of days. Check your Mayan calendars at will.

Sh*t Journalists Say (more or less)

2012-01-31T19:12:00.002Z

Ah, memories. Oddly, it doesn't include slamming down the phone/storming in and spewing forth the kind of profanity that would make a sailor stand up and salute. Ah well, maybe that's for the next vid. This was made by the good folks at Stuff Journalists Like.

Haiku to the working man

2012-01-28T14:48:00.003Z

Jackhammer at dawn
(OK, my dawn is at 8)
Really super sucks

ILR Superstar (Indefinite Leave to Remain success at Solihull)

2012-01-21T14:51:00.019Z

We recently received Indefinite Leave to Remain through an in-person appointment at the Public Enquiry Office (PEO) in Solihull. For others looking down the barrel of this rather stressful, expensive process in bewilderment, here's our experience.

My husband was a work permit holder and I his dependant -- both Americans. We used Form Set(O). His five years were almost up and that meant we were required to apply for ILR. Annoyingly, you can only do this 28 days before your WP expires -- not a day sooner and no later. Which doesn't leave you much time to reorganize your life and get out of the country if it's denied, but them's the rules, folks.

Fortunately, our case was very straightforward. That fact did little to keep me from stressing out for months and over-preparing, but in the end that was probably a good thing because I discovered a couple little things that were necessary but not noted anywhere in the application.

We decided on the in-person appointment because we wanted our passports back the same day. This cost an eye-watering £2,025. We have no travel plans at the moment, but we couldn't imagine being unable to leave the country (possibly for a few months) if we needed to for some reason, not to mention it would just be really stressful waiting to find out if we made it.

Like I said, our case was very straightforward and we easily met qualifications, but the scary bit was the fear that we would not include some vital document and it would be denied on a technicality. The forms aren't as clear on exactly what's required as they could be.

Solihull PEO

We had a 9:30 appointment and were instructed to arrive a half hour early. We came up by train the day before and stayed at a nearby B&B.

The PEO is in a row of office buildings called Dominion Court at 41 Station Road. The sign is a not-very-obvious placard by the door -- you won't see it from the street. There's a small vestibule outside the entrance, and people are let in one application group at a time to go through airport-like security (though you don't have to remove belt and shoes, as I've seen some others state they did). One man asked to go through our bags and to see our application, while a security guard walked us through those scanner thingys and then used a wand if the scanner had beeped. We had to empty our pockets into a tray and put cell phones in as well. We didn't have to wait to go through security, but by the time we were leaving for good shortly after noon a line had formed in the vestibule. We booked early morning after I'd read many forums advising to do so, and I think that was good advice. The office gets more backed up as the day goes, and the best bet to get in and out in the same day is to schedule an early appointment.

Speaking of scheduling, I did that online. I made an account in my husband's name with the UK Border Agency. I had tried to call and book an appointment a couple months beforehand, and was told they only booked 6 weeks in advance. Using that info, I started looking at the online booking 6 weeks before the first date we were eligible to apply for ILR, checking just after midnight when a new day was added onto the booking system. Make sure you calculate this date correctly, because if you come a day sooner than 28 days before your WP expires, I don't think they'll see you. Also, if you have dependants, make certain to book an appointment with dependants even if they aren't coming with you to the appointment (though it seems pretty clear they really prefer all dependants to attend, and if they don't, the missing person should send a letter with you explaining why they aren't there -- no one will tell you this if you call the hotline with questions unless you specifically ask if you need to include a letter, you'll just be told only the main applicant is required and they won't think to mention the letter bit).

Solihull was hard to book. I checked it and Croydon as my two options in the online system, and only once did I see an opening at Solihull, and I grabbed it. Several times I saw some for Croydon, but passed them over as I'd read in many forums that Solihull was better -- mainly because in Solihull they look over your application and documents before they take payment (which proved true in my case), whereas in Croydon they reportedly take payment first. This is non-refundable, so once they take the money, if they find you need more documentation or you just don't qualify for ILR, you're out a huge chunk of cash. That alone sold me on Solihull.

We were given a number and sent to the waiting area, which was large and clean. In addition to a men's and ladies' bathroom, there was a disabled bathroom that doubled as a baby-changing room. As for disabled access, the office seemed accessible and surrounding streets did have lowered curbs. No stairs are required to get into or around the office. A car park is directly in front of the office, though I didn't note who could park there of if there were disabled spaces -- but at least anyone with special needs could be dropped off directly in front of the office. I think there was a pay car park around the corner (not certain as we didn't bring a car, but I saw a digital sign up the block stating spaces were available).

We had arrived at 9 for our 9:30 appointment and were called back for our interview at 9:20. Which documents to bring and how many is a very big part of this application, and it's a little fuzzy in places. Here's what my ILR caseworker asked for:

-Our passports (for me, that included my old passport in my maiden name because it had my visa in it, and a marriage certificate to prove name change because my new passport is in my married name)
-my husband's Work Permit (I don't recall anything in the application specifically asking for this; I think I brought it because I had read others were asked for this -- turns out we were too, even though many other things required on the application were *not* asked for -- so this was one instance where my over-preparing paid off)
-Employer letter (this listed my husband's salary and that his job is continuing, among other things. I'll put a copy of the letter in a separate post. It also included the SOC code for my husband's job, and the caseworker commented that it was good I had that, and that many people don't include it. We did not include an employer letter listing absences because he had less than 180 days in total, and no single trip of more than 90 days).
-Life in the UK test pass letters
-three months of payslips
-Two bills, one from each of the past two years, to prove residency/cohabitation (I used two council tax bills as that has both our names)
-A completed application form (of course)

The caseworker looked through everything and scanned our photos before having us go to another window to pay. We used credit card and had called the company in advance to let them know we'd be making the charge so that it wouldn't get denied for some reason. We also brought a couple of extra means of payment in case it was denied anyway (Tesco is our fav card to use to collect points, but they are bad to stop payment even on small amounts that seem "suspicious". Like shopping more than once a day in Boots -- um, doesn't everyone do that?) She also gave us our scores from the Life in the UK test -- we both got 23! Meaning we each missed just one question.

She then told us to come back in 2 hours, keeping the same number we'd been given for the initial interview. Directly across the street are several restaurants; the only one that clearly seemed open in the morning was The White Swan (a Wetherspoon pub). A block up are the shops of city center and Torchwood shopping center. We set up shop in Starbucks and read.

We got back by 11:30, but our documents weren't ready until a little after noon -- so that part actually took more than 2 hours, so you can see they were already getting a little backed up. We were given back all of our original documents except for the employer letter and had a new "settlement" page in our passports.

I have more tips and notes about the whole process, but I'll get into that in another post. Hope this helps someone!

Blah Buildings

2011-11-14T11:57:00.008Z

It's amazing how England has many beautiful old buildings, yet many of its modern buildings are fairly grim and/or hideous. It's like they got architecture so right in the past that there's no point trying in the present.

Case in point is Reading's own The Blade. It's interesting at first glance and hideous at every glance thereafter. I can't find my photo of it, but you can check it out on Bad British Architecture. Like much of the fugly newish buildings you see, this one looks like something from the '70s (and not in a good way) even though it's very recent.

The blogger's photos actually make The Blade look nicer and sleeker than it appears to the naked eye as it cuts its way into the local skyline, typically under overcast skies, which do little to enhance this bad boy. But at least it has a badass name and a big, pointy, dangerous-looking thingamajiggy on top, which must make someone somewhere feel all tough and virile.

Toy Soldiers - eye candy for the ages

2011-11-06T21:58:00.009Z

Last night I re-watched Toy Soldiers, the 1991 unlikely action yarn about some Colombian terrorists who take over a boys' prep school in the States. It always gets just one or two stars in the TV Guide, but it's entertaining as hell. I remember watching it over and over on TV while I was in college (maybe we briefly had HBO?), and I was so incredibly hot for the head terrorist, played by Andrew Divoff. At the time, he was about 36 (which I normally thought of as kinda old at that point in my life), and his character was totally irredeemable -- which didn't stop me from drooling away and watching it over and over.

So last night I took a little nostalgia trip and watched it again for the first time since the early '90s. And the funny thing is, some of the male "high school" students (who in reality were around 20 when the movie came out), now were the ones that seemed kinda hot (George Perez and Sean Astin, I'm looking at you). When I was their age watching the film, I had little interest. Now, well, I'm still their current age, and I'm thinking a couple of 'em looked kinda right at the age they were in that film. Not sure what's going on with that, but I'm starting to get what Mrs. Robinson was on about.

The movie brought back days gone by. But then the suffocating nostalgia of lost youth and roads not taken left me feeling rather sad by the end of the movie. Time is a cruel mistress.

Magic Corn, a real WTF moment

2011-10-29T14:49:00.016Z

At Broad Street Mall this week I noticed a new stand with the goofily intriguing name Magic Corn. I assumed it meant popcorn, so went in for a closer look at what kind of heavenly kernels might be in the popper.

Oh, it was kernels all right, but nothing as tasty and nostalgia-laced as actual popcorn, which brings to mind childhood memories of enjoying a carton at the movies. You know, back when you really would buy a big box of movie popcorn because people still thought of it as health food rather than a Big-Mac level of fat in a spiffily stripped box.

No siree, this was a big ol' cuppa corn, just piled high and looking icky. I tried to explain it to a disbelieving husband when I got home, upon which he Googled it and muttered in astonishment: "Sonofabitch, it's a cup of corn."

Yes, it really is. I'm assuming it's meant to be a "healthy" option, but A)It appears to be coated in butter and flavorings and B)It's kinda gross. I'd rather take my chances with a carb-filled granola bar. I can't find the calorie count or a description of what exactly is in the flavorings. And even if it were somehow fairly healthy, it's still a nasty snack. It's a cup of corn, dude. A cup of corn.

The flavors of this "healthy, juicy & nutritious" snack include Magic Lemon, Magic Curry, Magic Mexican Chili, Magic Sour Cream and Onion, and several other cringe-worthy varieties. Lemon corn? Sour cream and onion corn? I'm feeling a bit light-headed at the heinousness of it all.

Full disclosure: I'm not big on veggies. I do eat a few, but I have resorted to hiding them in food (a spinach omelet is great; plopping a scoop of spinach on my plate is going to put me off the rest of my meal).

Corn has always seemed the most useless of the lot, all the more so because it seems to pop up in the oddest places over here. Buy a nice sandwich at Boots? Yep, there's usually corn in there. Pop open a can of chicken noodle soup -- oh yeah, there's corn in there. It doesn't even say it on the front label and you can't make it out in the picture. It's just taken for granted you know corn will be in your chicken noodle soup. Because, come on, corn is just implied in a title like "chicken" and "noodle".

Now Magic Popcorn, that I might try. But only if you make it caramel instead of curry.

Stress Test (aka Life in the UK test)

2011-10-27T10:22:00.007Z

Hubby and I passed the Life in the UK test! Yay! This is the first hurdle in getting settlement, also known as Indefinite Leave to Remain, also known as "Your work permit is expiring. No, you cannot renew it. You have to pay thousands for ILR or hit the road, Yanks."

Now that the test's over, I can reflect a bit. It sucked. The study materials sucked. Most of it was useless information. Which involved lots of numbers and statistics. Which turned out not to be on the test in favor of questions about when the frickin' pubs close. Aw, man!

I made notes, studied them over and over, and took the many official practice tests many times. I know the rules regarding children in jobs, what jobs they can have, what hours they can work on which days. I know the different minimum wages here (which vary by age). I learned the population of each country in the UK, what percentage that population was of the overall population of the UK, and what percentage of it was an ethnic minority. I learned how many of each ethnic minority there was, both in percentages and millions. I learned all that same info on the different religious groups in the UK. I learned about the different legislative bodies in each country, where they meet, what types of laws they can pass, what the members are called and how many seats there are. I learned loads of stuff I'll never need to know.

In light of all that type of information, I didn't pay too much attention to when the frickin' pub closes. And that question was on none of the practice tests. I put 11pm, as that's when it closed years ago when I was a younger lass visiting these parts and actually used to close down pubs. I know that here we have stayed out past midnight on the rare times I've gone out, but I assume rules have changed, and that they changed after this test booklet was made. I have no idea if I was wrong or right as, get this, we weren't told which questions we missed or even how many we missed. Just pass or fail baby, a smack on the ass and out the door you go. In a manner of speaking.

Other BS: There was a question about your landlord raising rent. Again, not something that was on a practice test nor anything I committed to memory as there was loads of other more likely data on which to make notes and study while cursing under my breath.

Then there were the questions I knew inside and out. And the test managed to phrase them in such a way that it was unclear what they wanted. Such as asking if EU nationals can vote in elections. Well, I knew they could vote in all but general elections. But the question didn't ask if they could vote in ALL elections, it just asked if they could vote in elections. I picked that they could -- hubby says that was probably wrong. Other things had similarly unclear wording.

This test cost £50 each to take and of course transportation costs to get there. We had to get to Maidenhead for a test, where it was given at the library. For some reason, despite all info clearly saying you needed to allow one-and-a-half to two hours to take the test and get your results, some people had parked in one-hour spots and had to move before it started. I thought evil thoughts about them if they were going to delay the test. Turns out they didn't as registration took so long.

It took forever to start as everyone had to be registered and do a practice test. Then no results were given out until everyone had finished (there were 24 questions; you could miss six and still pass). Most people were done in 10 minutes or so, but one person needed the full 45, and I imagine that's pretty common. Anyone who isn't up on their English would struggle. And, btw, this lovely mess of non-essential info started as an English proficiency test that many thought people from English speaking countries shouldn't have to take, anyway. Now it's a cash cow that should at least have the decency to have carefully prepared study materials and thoughtfully worded tests, but doesn't.

One interesting thing in it all was the Maidenhead Library. It was beautiful and exuded affluence. Upstairs where we were there was actually a little coffee bar, comfy chairs and bistro tables and a machine that popped out coffee and tea for a low price (50p? Can't recall, but inexpensive).

There was even this art(?) pictured below. I snapped it on a crappy cell cam, but it's some sort of sculpture stuck to a flag. I don't get the meaning of it, though I'm sure there is one. It was just an odd-looking thing.

Anyway, that's that. As long as we don't lose our official letters saying we passed, that is. Because if we do, despite the fact we are in the system and all is linked to our passports, if the letters go missing before we get ILR we have to take the freakin' test again. I'd rather get a root canal. And we'll have to save them even after ILR as the same test is needed for citizenship on down the road.

Next step: Loads of paperwork and big fees for ILR. And, surprise surprise, if the application is rejected for any reason, even some minor omission, you have to reapply and pay thousands all over. I will not rest easy until that's done. Man, I wish I liked alcohol, 'cause the thought of all this makes me want a drink. In theory.

The Suck Factor -- office life & too much Crazy

2011-10-09T14:01:00.035Z

Careerbuilder cranked out a list of 10 Annoying Workplace Habits. It hit the mark of things that make your daily slog irritating, but still came in fairly tame on the workplace suck-o-meter. That office couldn't have been a daily newspaper.

The list captured some of my own co-worker peeves of days gone by: playing music/talking on the phone, stanky food, excessive cigarette breaks (and I do mean excessive -- how about several hours a day?), and gossiping as though Springer's calling any minute for a hot tip.

But I could add a few additional quibbles with co-workers. Such as humming and bopping to your headphones. That bobbing head in my peripheral vision for hours on end made me mentally practice how I'd have to pretend to act sad if you ever got hit by a bus. Which I fervently hoped you would.

Then there's blasting Christian rock on a boom box while others are working, constantly drumming your fingers on your desk, and treating the newsroom to a song. Not just a line of it that got stuck in your head that one time, but singing the whole thing. Thoughtful, no?

Or how about colleagues throwing chairs at (surprisingly tough and bouncy) windows and flinging exacto knives at walls? Life on daily deadline is not conducive to sanity. (I should point out this was in the States, so it's probably a different kind of madness to UK newspapers.)

And I can't forget the co-worker who wore the same sandals every day all summer, sharing a stank-feet waft so foul it immediately gave me a headache. Do you know how gross a smelly foot headache is? Do you?! I'd rather have a poo-flinging monkey in the room. At least that I could dodge, maybe wear a blast helmet and poncho. When your desk is right next to someone with funky BO, there's not much you can do, no way to tell him without inspiring his hatred forever -- and it probably wouldn't fix the problem, anyway. He'd just sprinkle a little powder in the nasty sandals rather than burning the foul things, and my stank-headaches would continue.

Then there's the Snark Queen, full of nasty comments about everyone behind their backs (and right to your face if you were the unlucky wench seated next to her). She's only too happy to brag inappropriately about her husband's penis size and her stint working at Hooters (obviously intended as proof of an attractiveness she mistakenly thinks she still possesses).

But it's not just the co-workers who crap up your day -- it's the public. When first starting out, I worked at a small-town newspaper office designed by someone who either had zero idea of the challenges of a journalist's job or was extremely sadistic. It was designed open plan -- anyone could walk in off the street and not only see the newsroom, but round a corner and walk back to us unencumbered (and uninvited).

That's right, they could accost us any time, deadline or deep concentration be damned, with demands to know when a story would run, why a photo from their family reunion was omitted or what kind of moron could fail to follow up that hot tip on the dancing Chihuahua (which was the kind of story we'd never run even at a small paper -- unless everything else fell through, in which case we'd gladly place a funny hat on the mutt and make it a four-column front-page photo). Most newsrooms are designed with limited access for a reason -- newspapers attract the disgruntled, the unbalanced and the self-promoting like George Clooney attracts the ladies.

The layout screwed us over every day, not least when Crazy came a callin'. I didn't give her that moniker -- she was known as that long before I worked there and probably is to this day. We could hear her loud voice crackling with frantic energy carried back to us from the reception desk as soon as she entered. Our hands would freeze over our keyboards as it hit us: she's off her meds.

I'd call a newsroom meeting (really more a get-out-of-the-line-of-fire meeting) and we'd rush into the conference room, locking the door and closing the blinds on the floor-length glass windows facing the newsroom.

We'd discuss whether the windows were bulletproof. (We hoped they were given the tossed-chair incident wherein a rather severely under-qualified editor had a hissy when he couldn't handle the job yet again and hurled a chair at the surprisingly sturdy windows currently between us and Crazy. The chair bounced back and just missed him, making that story far less awesome than it might've been). However, we also wondered if we could break the outside windows with a chair to make an escape if need be, since they only opened a few inches. Given the aforementioned example, we thought the chances slim.

Crazy never made threats nor seemed violent, but her ability to detect sinister hidden meanings in innocuous articles, mixed with her wild-eyed intensity, put our nerves on edge and freed our imaginations to concoct worst-case scenarios. I once checked the employee restroom for homemade bombs after she'd used it (without asking) because she'd stomped back there purposefully and with an air of frenzied intensity whilst also carrying a giftbag.

Crazy was infamous in the small town. She'd been banned from City Hall and in fact from our own newsroom, but no one on our end had the balls to face her down and make her leave, unlike City Hall which had the Police Department on site.

She was actually a sad case, but there was nothing we could do about it other than try to get our work done without too much incident. Besides, insanity was a normal part of our day, something to take in stride, sidestep or submit to as the case required.

And all of that was just what happened in the office, nevermind what took place once I grabbed my notepad and hit my beats. But there are many stories in the Naked City (or Primly Dressed Small Town, as the case may be), and I'll save the rest for another day.

Pretzel hit and Borg miss

2011-10-03T11:27:00.011Z

An Auntie Anne's pretzel stand opened in The Oracle over the weekend! Hubby and I long for the taste of a big, hot pretzel from time to time, and it just can't be had around here. Supermarkets don't sell the ones you can make at home, and nowhere else did either. Until now. The excitement's got me all in a twist! (hardy-har-har)

Seriously, there are only a few Auntie Anne's in the UK, and I've not seen anywhere else that sells big ol' soft pretzels. Even when I lived near Anne's in the States, it's the kind of thing where I just bought a pretzel once every two or three years. But the option for a sweet, warm, soft carbohydrate blast was always there if I wanted it, waiting in the background like an old friend you never contact but are glad to know they exist on the earth. And hubby seriously missed buying microwave pretzels, and his cravings were catching.

So we went down and dutifully bought an almond pretzel. Better than I remembered. Seriously, heaven in a sweet, fluffy twist of dough. The prices, however, could've been a bit more pretzel-fan friendly. The basic varieties were £2.30 to £2.50 (or $3.56 to $3.88). Still, I'm sure I'll end up buying them more here than in the States because of the novelty of actually being able to get my hands on one.

I don't really get the "Resistance is Futile!" tagline. Yes, I understand they are saying you can't resist their great pretzels, but that tagline is totally Star Trek Borg terror circa 1988. What the hell it has to do with pretzels, I don't know. The tagline has been used in various funny ways over the years, but this ain't one of them. It just seems like a lame hack. (A Google search tells me that this phrase was also used once in a '70s Dr. Who, and though this is the land of Dalek and Tardis, I don't think it caught on as a catchphrase until it became the mantra of the badass Borg.) Imagine some ad company actually getting paid to come up with that, actually turning it in at a meeting. And the pretzel people actually *liking* it! Where's Don Draper when you need him? He could make buying that pretzel seem like a bit of nostalgic bliss you couldn't live without, and he'd do it without ripping off an outmoded TV franchise. But I'll still buy the pretzels, they kinda sell themselves. Maybe that's why no real effort went into the ad campaign.

Now if companies could just manage a Lean Cuisine pizza in this country, I'd be thrilled. That's the No. 1 food item I miss -- they just don't do many diet pizzas here, and the ones they have are high on price and low on taste (we're talking about $4.50 for some little Weight Watchers oval that's more like a 5-year-old's home "pita pizza" project than the tasty treat that is the Lean Cuisine version, which I used to find on sale for $2 at Safeway). Ah well, can't have it all.

A weed grows in Reading

2011-09-28T12:48:00.004Z

Have you ever heard of aquatic weeds? I sure hadn't, but that's what came up when I Googled "underwater plants" in search of what that lush greenery undulating just below the surface in the canal might be.

I can't say for certain if these even *are* aquatic weeds, but they somehow sound so much more lovely and desirable than the garden variety (commonly found, appropriately enough, in your garden). I don't know if they'd tangle up a boat motor or a swimmer (more like a drowner, as I can't see anyone choosing to swim in the canal).

Whatever they are, they're gently beautiful, no?

Trash cache

2011-09-18T11:54:00.005Z

I spotted this monitor floating in the Kennet Canal awhile back. Later, very nearby, I saw a decent-looking upholstered chair in the water. The industrious hobo could furnish his campsite quite easily in Reading.

Chillin' with Febreze the Gnome

2011-09-07T12:00:00.012Z

Meet Febreze the Gnome. He's kinda shifty looking and smells to high heaven, but he proudly serves as our flat's bedraggled mascot.

He doesn't really smell anymore -- that's how he got the name Febreze. A thorough dousing with the magical odor remover banished years of bar stench from our little friend. The hubby won him in a pub raffle, you see. I can't say for certain why The Retreat wanted to get rid of what looks like an item handmade by a patron long ago which probably sat in the bar for countless years, but when you look into Febreze's shifty eyes you do wonder what he gets up to when no one's around...

If only he could talk, I'm sure he'd be quite the raconteur. Years of scenes in the life of a small English pub would spill from his little knit lips. It'd be like Eastenders: Reading (especially suitable because the pub makes its home in east Reading). I'd have parties and we'd all sit, Guinness in hand (or perhaps some fruity vodka drink for me), and listen to his scandalous tales. And then we'd freak out because an inanimate freakin' gnome was talking. Wouldn't that be awesome?

Must be the Season of the Spider

2011-07-18T18:57:00.006Z

They're baaaacccckk! I've been told there are no poisonous spiders in England. That's comforting. Isn't it? ISN'T IT?! I can feel it on me; get it off, get it off!!! Oh wait, that was just my hair. My bad.

Action Figure Therapy - so wrong, yet so right

2011-07-15T13:39:00.003Z

This has nothin' to do with nothin', but it's hilarious. And so, so wrong. The language is more prickly than the skin on a cactus, so fish out the headphones if you're at work.

News of the World scandal updates

2011-07-14T09:07:00.007Z

Following the meltdown? Here's a listing of new developments, updated very frequently by The Telegraph. (The cartoon above appeared in The Guardian, fyi).

News of the World, it sucks to be you

2011-07-11T14:40:00.006Z

I've been intently interested in the revelations about the inner workings of the News of the World (which thankfully put out it's last-ever copy yesterday). We always knew it was a smarmy operation that favored crappy standards, gossip as news, and carelessly destroying lives. We just didn't know how far it went until all this phone-hacking stuff came out in ever-growing detail.

Even though I used to work in newspaper (or maybe because of that), I have trouble mustering up too much pity for the now-jobless NOTW staff because they say they were not involved in the phone hacking, which supposedly all took place under the previous regime. Even if that's true, they did know they were working for the NOTW, which is smarm-central -- not exactly a bastion of high ethical standards. You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas, y'all. I understand you gotta make a buck (or a quid as the case may be), but you can't expect everyone to be sympathetic of how you do so.

Let me pull back a bit on that -- I do understand what it's like to really need a job and to work for a newspaper that doesn't seem to care much about people, be they employees or readers. But most of the time that information comes as a surprise, something you don't fully know about until you work for the place in question. And even then, the standards aren't literally criminally low. But NOTW (and in fact many British tabloids) made no secret of having lower standards than a one-eyed drunk at closing time in a backwoods juke joint. So I'm not completely unfeeling toward the staff, but I'm not particularly upset on their behalf, either.

The staff were at least right in being angry Rebekah Brooks didn't go down with the ship -- but she will before long I imagine. I'm just waiting for that shoe to drop.

Memo to headbutting divas - take it down a notch, mkay?

2011-06-27T08:30:00.007Z

Summer is here, and the darling young ladies of Reading are donning their scantiest duds (much to the delight of the young lads, and the old ones too, for that matter), topping off with a cool pair of shades and taking to the streets of Reading. Some of them bring along a nice cold lager. And intent to bash. At 3:20 in the afternoon. On a Tuesday. (Disclaimer: This in no way indicates that all women in Reading stalk the afternoon streets carrying a brew and violent tendencies -- those are just the ones who stick out, like the girl at your prom who mistakenly thought a yellow-feathered gown looked more glamorous than Big-Birdy.)

It seems a 19-year-old girl said hello with a hug to a man accompanied by three other women (at least two of whom were already getting a buzz or better with drinks in hand). And the women were all "Oi, piss off!" (or something to that effect, I'm sure). And the 19-year-old was all "F YOU!" (again, I don't have the official transcript) and gave 'em the finger.

So, taking the next logical action, one of the women punched Huggy-Huggerson in the face, while the other gave her an old school headbutt. Ah, summertime!

Here comes the rain again...

2011-06-23T18:41:00.007Z

Yes, yes, I've heard if from a few people, "You knew you'd have to get wet at Water Fest, yuck yuck!" C'mon y'all, this is ain't Waterworld, it ain't the Log Ride at Six Flags. It's looking at things along the water, whilst staying out of it yourself. Cold (as I usually am in England) and wet just isn't the most fun I can have with my clothes on. And I was feeling a little puny. So I'm a wimp, deal with it, you big bad toughie-wuffies, you.

Anyhoo, here are some pics of a drenched Reading Water Fest (which apparently dried up and became party central as soon as I hit the road).

That last pic was just an attempt to capture the rain, though I inadvertently showed how much rubbish gets in the canal. I took a photo last week of a scenic little spot with a Dell monitor floating along with the ducks (I'll post that at some point). WTF? There's surely an interesting story behind that ...

A dismal Water Fest

2011-06-21T16:54:00.003Z

Last Saturday was the annual Water Fest, something I look forward to every year. Unfortunately, it started pouring rain while we were out. We went home, and of course it soon looked to have cleared up, so I started to go back out after a couple of hours. Looked out the window just before I left, and BAM! it had started raining again. I gave up for good and all, only to see it stayed clear the rest of the day. Major disappointment, really.

I'll upload some wet, rainy pics of my Water Fest experience later. They pretty much depict what the "summer" has been like so far -- wet, chilly, and icky. Here's an official video from the event, it looks like lots of fun was to be had if you managed to be there when the heavens weren't crashing down bucket loads of rain.

Boobs aren't impolite?

2011-05-29T13:08:00.005Z

I've noticed a couple of ladies' clothing stores casually use the word "boobs" here, which to my ears sounds like a slightly impolite slang term but must not be seen as such. U.S. stores would say "bust" or "chest" instead, I think. (It's like when people say they need "the toilet" here when they want a restroom. That's too graphic for me; I don't need to know what you're doing there -- maybe you're washing your hands or combing your hair -- let's keep a little mystery alive, shall we?)

Below is a pic of Pepperberry, and you'll note at the bottom of the window is the motto: "clothes designed with your boobs in mind." A similar theme can be found at its parent store, lingerie retailer Bravissimo, which liberally sprinkles the word "boobs" around its site and used to have a slogan about being for "big-boobed women."

It's just one of those little differences in perception, kind of like how some Americans use British terms such as "bloody" when they don't want to curse, not realizing that *is* a curseword. It just depends which side of the pond you're on when you say it, lol.

Party Like it's a Royal Wedding

2011-04-28T17:49:00.002Z

Tomorrow is the big day! I'm actually looking forward to it. It's one of those special events, something you'll look back and say "I remember when...".

I paid little attention to the wedding of Charles and Diana. Don't know why; I was a kid and it either didn't grab my attention or my parents didn't care to watch it, and in the days of one TV and no VCR, you watched what the parents wanted and that's that.

As a final edition of my Tat Countdown to the Big Day, here's the entry from Poundland below. Note how much is left -- I don't think many street parties are planned for reading.

Royal Wedding Wannabes

2011-04-27T18:15:00.007Z

Wedding fever is in the air, and on the shelves. Have nothing remotely related to the royal wedding to flog? Fake it, baby.

That's what Claire's did. Note the sign reading: "KEEP CALM AND PARTY ON" followed by "William & Catherine 29th April 2011." Below that is the weak-ass Claire's version of royal wedding party gear. (No offense to Claire's -- it's a fun, girly shop -- but wedding tat HQ it ain't).

The most nearly sorta kinda wedding-related merch they have is a tiara ( you can just barely see it in the second row on the right, below the red headbands). There's also a sash (probably intended for "Hen Dos") that reads: "Bride to be." That's pictured below.

Everything else just seems to be whatever Claire's had in Union Jack colors. Maybe some people will dress up in fake pearls and the poor-woman's fascinator (a headband with some red ribbon on it) to enjoy the wedding.

A wedding-watching party actually might be fun; I read on some interview that a woman was going to invite friends over for tea and scones and watch the wedding. Kind of like the "Friends" finale for the older generations.

Wrath of the Royal Wedding Tat!

2011-04-26T18:43:00.005Z

The anti-memorabilia royal wedding memorabilia has landed! These Royal Wedding Sick Bags were £3 at But Is It Art? in Reading's city centre.

The punny "Throne Up" printed across the top is enough to make me need one of these bags, but at least it's not another cheap mug or disposable tablecloth.

Best royal wedding entrance ever!

2011-04-25T14:38:00.005Z

If only real weddings could be this much fun. Check out a T-Mobile commercial envisioning a royal wedding that's too cool for class (the upper class, darling).

Royal Wedding Trash & Treasure with RadioTimes

2011-04-24T12:40:00.005Z

As you may have heard (whether you wanted to or not), the royal wedding is nigh. This rare chance to air loads of TV shows in any way related to royals and weddings won't be wasted by UK channels.

There are several shows about how the couple met, how they'll marry and even only slightly related shows like Big Fat Royal Gypsy Wedding and Come Dine with Me Royal Wedding Special, all exercises in questionable taste that will be a joy to watch.

Nor is the opportunity to focus on the Big Day when reality morphs into reality TV wasted on RadioTimes (basically a TV guide with articles and radio listings added in). The mag offered young readers a competition to design cover art for the Royal Wedding Souvenir Issue (April 23-29 issue). A 7-year old girl created the charming cover above, which I will definitely save.

The guide also gives extensive listings and articles on royal wedding viewing options. However, the best show of the week won't even air. Probably because it's not real, though it sounds entirely plausible. According to a tongue-in-cheek column poking fun at wedding programs in the RadioTimes (Pg. 9), an expert on the Antiques Roadshow lost his shit so spectacularly that the royal wedding special was cancelled.

The episode which supposedly was "devoted to collectibles issued in honour of the marriage of Prince William and Kate Middleton had to be abandoned when one of the experts went berserk, smashing ceramics and shouting, 'You idiots! None of this tat is worth anything!'" If only such sweet dreams could come true, I'd have that blooper-reel footage on a YouTube loop right now.

Return of the Royal Wedding Tat

2011-04-23T10:41:00.008Z

I've revealed the cheapest, tackiest royal wedding memorabilia from Wilkinson and a fairly alright royal wedding calendar from the 99p Store, and now I'm on to making a fool of myself by taking pictures in Primark for your amusement.

If you don't know the store, Primark makes K-mart look like a high-dollar operation. Crowded aisles, crappy products, and an all-around broke-ass vibe. I don't much care for it, but the hubby wanted cheap socks, so in we went.

I discovered a whole display of royal-wedding related clothes. Yippee! None of them came home with me as that place is just too crowded and the spousal unit had wandered off, so I couldn't pass it on to him (in keeping with my low-spend idea, I would've only gotten a pair of socks). Here's what I found:

The shirts are £5, the socks £2. Didn't note the price of the belt, which oddly reads: "Belt up and get the beers in." Um, OK.

My personal favorite was the shirt below, which played on the Sex Pistols' iconic Never Mind the Bollocks album cover and subsequent T-shirts:

I'm not sure who would wear any of this. Maybe the day of the wedding, at street parties? I will fall off the couch in glee if I spot these on people along the procession route the day of the wedding! Those lining the streets are asked to dress nicely for the event, so it would be the height of tacktastic fashion sense and a bit rude to wear these while waving to the passing couple. Will they or won't they? I can hardly bear the suspense!

Royal Wedding Tat Strikes Back!

2011-04-20T15:37:00.011Z

Will and Kate make it official next Friday, April 29, and the tat is mounting. I already showed off my 99p royal wedding calendar, and this week I found stores loaded with more cheap crap than I could shake a ruby-encrusted sceptre at. Today I'm showcasing the loot at Wilkinson (which is kind of like K-mart in pricing, but without the clothing section, disarray and general air of hopelessness).

The toothy couple merited a whole endcap of goodies, most of which cost £1. The items at the very top above bearing a big photo over a Union Jack are commemorative bunting. The table clothes were sold out (more's the pity).

A few of the items made it home with me. The Union Jack cushion below is something I'd been after for awhile, and I snatched it up in an instant when I saw the price tag - £5. It looks an awful lot like this one on Amazon for £24.99 or this one at John Lewis for £28. Score!

And I couldn't resist the royal wedding "tea towel." It's classy, too, made of 100% polyester and shiny as a new commemorative coin with badly rendered reliefs. I'm sure it's just like the Queen uses.

Finally, I made off with a mug (on the left beside the bell), suitable for sipping your tea as you watch the ruckus surround the wedding on TV. Tacktastic!

Beary nice graffiti

2011-04-16T15:04:00.006Z

Graffiti is generally a bad thing. It's like permanent littering. It's also a great way to show you're not the brightest bulb in the box when you want to leave your mark yet have nothing to say.

Then there's the graffiti that's artistic, it's art adorning an urban landscape. (A bit of Banksy, anyone?)

And then there's what I found on the river walk beside Chocolate Island recently, left by someone without any artistic talent but who wanted to do more than scrawl his name or a few choice curse words. Someone who had a can of paint and some stencils. Someone who likes bears and loves you.

Granted, the scenic area looks better without this little addition, but it's a whole lot cuter than most graffiti bored teens think up.

Mflow music rocks

2011-04-09T10:56:00.010Z

My obsession of the week is finding steals, deals and new songs to love on mflow . It's a fledgling music downloading site that weaves social networking into your buying and rewards you with smokin' deals for doing so. I'm guessing the deals are so hot because the users act as advertisers, trumpeting their purchases to friends online.

What got me so addicted is the "Easter Egg" promotion, which runs until Easter Sunday. If you link your mflow account to Facebook (you could also use Twitter or Buzz), and press "like" on any album with an Easter Egg logo by it, the price of that album changes to 99p. This includes lots of new albums (many just released this year) as well as loads of great older albums. The idea is that you search around the site to find the Easter Eggs, but of course deal-finders are on this like mad and sharing their finds on hotukdeals .

Hotter yet, if you refer a friend and they sign up through your invite link, you both get £1 of credit. I also found a code online you can input in the "redeem codes" section of your account to gain another £1 credit: REDDITCREDITFROMDAN. Another code makes all individual tracks on the site 20p each for about 12 hours: BIRD20P.

To sweeten the pot -- and get you to promote the site -- new users get five free "flows" of individual tacks during the first week. Each track has a "flow" button by it; click it and it will ask to link your flows to Facebook (or whatever you're using). Once that's done, if you "flow" the song it will appear on your Facebook page as a track your friends can listen to in it's entirety with a link back to mflow. Right after you press flow, you'll be offered the option to download the track for free (up to five songs). I love free things, and I love music, so I'm really digging this deal.

I signed the hubby up, and with the referral credit and credit from the code I input, we each had enough cash in our accounts for two free albums before I even reached for my credit card. We also got five tracks each through free "flows" (Ok, I got 10 tracks as I commandeered his flows). Even if you refer no one and just sign up, you can use the code I mentioned above and get one free album and five free tracks. Very worth the effort.

One small downside: you have to "top up" your payment pot rather than just paying for what you buy as you go. This can be done in £5 increments via credit card, or £10 via paypal. It's not really a big deal as you're sure to find a lot you want (you could get five sale albums for £5), but it could put you in the position of having to put £5 in when all you really want to spend is £1.60. Still, if you buy even a few individual tracks every so often, you'll eventually use it.

Mflow shows the latest buying activity on-site in Facebook-like updates (but using a username rather than your actual Facebook name if you don't want to share that). If anyone buys a song from the link where you recommended it, you get a small percentage of the price.

Just to give you an idea of what's on offer, some of my album buys include: Kings of Leon, Florence + The Machine, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones, Johnny Cash, Mad Men Soundtrack, Glee Christmas Soundtrack, Mumford & Sons, The Script, and some compilation albums. I used my free flows for tracks on albums that weren't part of the Easter Egg sale. At these prices, it's been a good way for me to try some new artists. You can listen to all songs in their entirety before buying if you're so inclined.

This deal should also work from the States. I routed my laptop through the VPN I use to watch Hulu, which shows my IP as being in the U.S., and mflow still let me login and download. The normal prices of albums are probably more than you'd pay in the States, but the Easter Egg deal makes them much cheaper than you'll find on Amazon.com. Happy hunting!

Somewhere over the rainbow...

2011-04-05T13:20:00.003Z

A rare double rainbow arched over Reading last September. I forgot to post the photo (Didn't I? If it's on here somewhere, you're just getting double the pleasure). I'm still looking for that pot of gold.

Where there's smoke, there's nonsense

2011-03-31T16:08:00.000Z

Last weekend the control box to our smoke alarms started buzzing loudly. We checked the high-tech digitized panel, and it said there was a fault in the lounge and that the battery was disconnected. Sounds like time for a new 9-volt in the ol' detector, no? Um, no. That would be too simple.

Turns out only a technician can change the battery or even test if the smoke detectors are working, which can only be done by blowing smoke on them. Seriously. (Tech dude had an aerosal can of smoke, something I never knew existed nor did I envision it ever being blown around my flat like we were doing some low-rent Backdraft sequel). That's effed up.

Home sweet Hulu -- watching US TV in the UK

2011-03-27T10:02:00.006Z

One of the most frustrating things about living in the UK was missing out on American TV shows. Some of our favorites didn't air here or were years behind in the episodes. I finally figured out a way around this, and I'm going to share the secret -- use a VPN (Virtual Private Network).

StrongVPN did the trick for me. It's not free, but the prices are reasonable and it works extremely well. I pay $7 a month for a lite package (you have to buy a minimum of three months at a time), but you can get it cheaper if you pay by the year. They have customer service reps in live chat that come on immediately and solve problems surprisingly quickly should you need help (which I have a couple of times over three months of use).

With StrongVPN, I can watch Hulu without a hitch. I listen to Pandora radio stations and watch PBS shows. All of those websites are free to anyone in the U.S. -- or to anyone that appears to be in the U.S. It's very easy to connect, just go online using your regular Internet account, then connect to StrongVPN and just like that, you're in the States (virtually speaking). You can select IPs in other countries, too, so if you're in the U.S. and longing to see UK shows on BBC iPlayer, you could sign up for an IP on my side of the pond.

The VPN service also lets me watch HBO's online content thanks to a relative in the States who subscribes to the network who lets us use her cable account login (she doesn't do computers, so wasn't making use of one of the perks that comes with her subscription -- we were happy to help her get her money's worth). This has been fabulous for us, because it allowed us to see the final season of Big Love -- something that is years behind in the UK and only came back to the airwaves here this year after several years of absence. If she subscribed to Showtime or other premium channels, we could access that online, too. I have no doubt we could sign up for Netflix as well using a relative's address as our "home" address in the States and our US credit card.

I'm no technical expert, but the basics of what StrongVPN does is it gives your computer an IP address in the U.S., which is what sites that restrict streaming video by country are looking for. We tried that earlier this year through a freebie IP hider called Hotspot Shield. It worked for a couple of months before Hulu and Netflix started denying us access to their sites. We had been paying for Hulu Prime and a Netflix account, so we were spending cash on things we couldn't even use at that point. The freebie software just can't offer as consistent cover as the paid service and the streaming websites are able to bust the false IPs.

What really got us started down the road of trying to find ways to watch US shows online was the purchase of my new Dell Studio laptop last year. We paid extra to get a laptop with an HDMI port, and that has revolutionized how we watch TV. We connect the computer to our 50-inch plasma via an HDMI cable, and just like that we're watching shows on the big screen in high quality (and often in HD quality from HBO). I bought a wireless mouse to use as a "remote control" to pause and select programs from my comfy couch (we put the laptop on a tray table next to the TV).

I know some people online say they keep up with shows by downloading them from bit torrent or other sites. I don't know what you open yourself up for by downloading that stuff, either legally or by way of whatever hidden malware could be in the files. I don't mess with that -- I'd rather pay a little bit and get something that works well and doesn't put me or the laptop at risk.

Off the hook

2011-03-24T13:09:00.006Z

Something sinister is going on in public restrooms. I'm not talking about hook-up spots where people in the know go to "mingle;" I'm talking about actual hooks. Or rather, the lack thereof. Are hook gremlins stealing them away in the night? Are they worth a few coins on the scrap-metal market? Are they melded into some art installation at the Tate Modern?

Hooks are cheap and easy to install. Why oh why are they almost never in bathroom stalls? I'm out shopping, I've got a coat, a purse and a shopper bag (currently my lovely Orla Kiely shopper from Tesco, so cute and so hard to find I had to pay nearly triple to get one on eBay). I am NOT putting all that on the (curiously damp) floor of a public restroom. I might as well just set them in the toilet.

I had to cross my legs and head for home earlier this week when I discovered the ladies' loo at the Broad Street Mall was heinously hookless. I could've went out of my way to find a better restroom elsewhere, but I wanted to go home before long anyway. It just meant cutting a couple stops out so I could get there sooner. So a few stores lost business due to lack of a simple amenity in the bathroom.

Bathroom designers and maintainers everywhere, please hook us up. Customers may stay longer, spend more, and pick your business over others due to the facilities. Who knows, maybe you'll have enough extra cash to even keep soap in the dispensers. I can dream.

There's a story behind this...

2011-03-20T14:08:00.003Z

I spotted this lonely high-heeled shoe under a seat in a bus shelter on King's Road on Saturday afternoon. Something interesting went down Friday night, methinks.

Dancing King

2011-03-17T15:10:00.007Z

Did you know there are male belly dancers? I didn't, until I saw the poster at left. I don't know much about the art form other than what I've seen in movies. It's not too surprising that male dancers get ignored in film -- Hollywood prefers putting hot chicks in skimpy outfits (remember the Charlie's Angels flick where the ladies went undercover as belly dancers? All I could think was "Seems you should have a little belly to do a belly dance. Harrumph!").

I'm going to pass on this one (a mixture of frugality and a desire to be home Friday night getting my Hulu on). But I'd bet he's pretty good or the restaurant wouldn't consider him enough of a draw to promote, so it's worth a go if you're in the mood for dinner and a show.

If you're in Reading and have £25 to spare (which covers admission and dinner), check him out at Mangal Restaurant tomorrow night (March 18). Otherwise, you can groove to his moves below (at least I think it's him; at any rate, it's a male belly dancer named Ozgen).

Costumes for a cause

2011-03-14T12:50:00.005Z

The English love to dress up. Randomly, throughout the year, rather than primarly just at Halloween like us Yanks do. I heard it discussed on radio one Halloween, and the DJ couldn't understand why Halloween was such a big holiday in the States when it's just kinda "eh" here. A caller explained that people don't dress up as often in the U.S., so Halloween is the big blowout for donning costumes. Here, it seems like most times I hear mention of a kids' birthday party, the words "fancy dress" are included. Not sure how well that would go down in the States if parents needed a costume each time Timmy got invited to party.

Not only that, but I often see adults in costume on the high street. Usually it's to draw attention to some store promotion or a fund-raiser. The lovely "brides" above fall into the latter category. Last week they cheerily called for donations for Oxfam's International Women's Day. For £1 you could draw on their gowns, which would later be ripped up to make something or other (a quilt or some artwork perhaps? I'm getting too old to remember details without a notepad). They were so personable and excited about their cause that I gave them £3, then went into a store and returned a hat that didn't suit me which I'd bought on clearance for £3. So basically I donated a hat.

Poundland security and royal wedding tat

2011-03-10T12:29:00.007Z

Yesterday I went shopping at Poundland and the 99p Store at the Broad Street Mall ('cause I run a high-dollar operation here at Casa Groovy). To my surprise, uniformed security guards stalked the aisles at both stores.

One guy sported a headset a la those worn by hipsters pushing chinos at the Gap, the other rocked a beard which he thoughtfully stroked as he scrutinized shoppers as though he'd just landed the inspector role in some new murder-mystery show.

WTF are people stealing at Poundland? What reasoning goes into that? Is someone saying, "Oi, I'm not paying a quid for this Osmonds DVD? No way would I pay more than 50p for that loaf of panettone that's bigger than my head!"

To justify hiring security, the stores must be losing more to theft than the cost of an additional salary. That's amazing.

It kinda harshes my groove if I'm being closely watched by an uber-serious guard while I'm languidly contemplating the pink dish-gloves with the feathered fringe. I'd be an idiot to risk a criminal record to steal them (and probably not much brighter to buy them, which I did. It turns out they look super-cute on but burn my hands as the hot water seems to gain a few degrees when translated to my skin through the thin latex). But apparently some shoppers think it worth the risk. I don't get it.

On a side note, I made a fun find at the 99p store: A William & Kate calendar! I snatched it up from the spot by the register, saying, "This is too funny, I've got to have it!" The stony-faced cashier didn't say anything, which led me to wonder if he was so stony-faced because I'd inadvertently insulted his passion for collecting royal wedding memorabilia, or if it was because working the till at the 99p Store serving crowds of customers all day was wearing thin.

I suppose some take the royal wedding memorabilia and the wedding itself quite seriously. Given that the mementos include everything from condoms to teabags, I gotta think others find it a tad much, too. Since I'm plop in the middle of the country where wedding fever should reach its highest pitch, I choose to enjoy the insanity by collecting whatever (majorly inexpensive) items I come across. I'll take them out one distant day to show American friends who, no doubt, will glance at them and shrug.

A rose by any other name would go out of business...

2011-03-08T11:35:00.004Z

Hubby: "Which power company do we use, is it No Power?"

Me: "No, it's NPower; No Power would be the worst name EVER for a power company."

Home is where the Hob is

2011-03-02T13:42:00.013Z

The sign above illustrates the general feeling of having a pint at the Hobgoblin pub -- enter and you're in a different world. Posted inside the front door, the notice inspires a sense of the pub as a unique place to be, a special club anyone can join merely by entering. The Hob is on Reading's Broad Street steps away from Starbucks and several other coffee shops (the spot is known as "Coffee Corner"), and once inside you really do feel about 100 miles (and years) away from the cookie-cutter world outside.

The pub is small, dark, often loud and crowded. The building is hundreds of years old, and exudes all the character age entails. A wander through reveals interesting old wood furnishings and little nooks beyond the main room perfect for an intimate chat. The bartender frequently disappears down a narrow stairway in the floor to bring up more brew.

The patrons seem laid back and friendly, coming from a variety of ages and backgrounds -- but more recall first-hand the days when music came on vinyl and TVs had a dial than those who don't. I get the feeling this is a sort of "Cheers" place -- everybody knows your name. Hipsters looking for club music and quick hook-ups should skip it.

It's specialty -- beyond an other-worldly atmosphere -- is a wide variety of ales. The walls and ceiling are covered with beer clips from the thousands of ales offered over the years.

The few times I've been, I can tell it's a home away from home for many. A rare find indeed.

Jim Jam state of mind

2011-02-27T10:36:00.004Z

I love slubbing around in my PJs. LOVE it. Most days I force myself to ditch them by 9am, following my rule that when at home, despite my strongest instincts, I should wear something I'd be happy to answer the door in. I cheat as much as possible, finding comfy, loungy trousers to wear around home (I sooo want to call them pants but here people would think I meant my undies).

But today is Sunday, and I don't expect any surprise knocks on the door, no deliveries. The pajamas are still on at nearly 11, and I'm in no rush to take them off. On the odd chance a neighbor knocks, they'll just think I'm having a lazy Sunday and will have to deal. I suppose I will change after a bit, as the special magic of my jim jams must be preserved.

So now, a little haiku in honor of pajamas:

Sunday-morning mode
Jim Jams rule molasses day
Comfy cotton hug

Girl and Swan party on...

2011-02-22T17:39:00.002Z

The statue of Girl and The Swan on Kings Road parties hard. So far, after what must've been some wild nights, I've found her wearing a bra, and another time a pair of men's grungy tighty-whities (on her head), and today with a beer can clasped tightly in her icy little hand.

Little minx has more fun than I do.

Shady ladies

2011-02-17T15:59:00.004Z

I love music, love clipping my Walkman to my shirt and letting the tunes take my mind off the gory business of housework (and yes, it's actually an MP3 player, but I'm old enough to have owned an actual cassette Walkman and I'll be damned if I can think of my music-delivery device as anything other than a Walkman). Granted, I spend as little time on cleaning as possible, but the few grudging moments I give it are soothed with a good soundtrack.

I run through tunes fast, get tired of them. Years of repeatedly listening to favorites mean I want to hear most of them only a couple of times in rotation before I send them packing like a fickle (music) lover. I always take them back, but only after I grow bored of new conquests.

So I was thrilled to see a steal on a 3-CD box set called "This is...Ladies Night." It was £1.75 at Zavvi, but I had a code for a pound off anything, so the grand total came to 75p with free delivery. It gave my bargain-loving heart a sweet jolt of joy, it did. The one tiny little catch was the site showed no cover art and no track listing. Never mind, I Googled the title to find a disk of the same name with lots of hits, some of which I didn't have and actually could imagine being the backdrop to the drudgery of scrubbing dishes. You know "Do I love you, my oh my," (scrub, rinse), "River deep, mountain high....". Works for me.

The set came today. Turns out, whatever popped up on Google wasn't this hot mess. At first glance I knew it wasn't the same songs, but still saw at least a few I could use. "Give it Up" by KC & The Sunshine Band; sure, why not? Fun for a listen or two. Then I looked again. It actually said: "Give it Up" MADE FAMOUS BY KC & The Sunshine Band. In fact, every track on every disc had that tricky little "MADE FAMOUS BY" on it.

Feeling dread at what kind of karaoke terrors lay in wait, I slid Disc One into my laptop. The strains of "We Are Family" came up, only the music was a bit tinny, tingy, pingy -- the sound of being made without real instruments, I think, all done digitally. The singers sounded almost the same as the real ones, but not quite. I actually had to listen to a few songs to make sure these just weren't poor recordings of the real deal, but no, copies one and all.

It should've been called "Shady Ladies' Night" as it's rather tricky to conveniently fail to mention songs aren't by the original artists. But since I'm only out 75p, I'm not exactly devastated. If you don't mind low-class copies of bouncy tunes, keep an eye out in charity shops -- that's where mine is headed (probably joining loads of other sets already dropped off like so much outgrown clothing or tacky ties).

Jammin' on the High Street

2011-02-16T14:11:00.003Z

The High Street was very busy Saturday, it being the first day all week with no rain AND the weekend before V Day. These guys were actually pretty good, and much nicer to hear than the God Squad up the street yelling at top volume over religious hip-hop on their boom box. I didn't stop to snap them -- no way was I giving them time to corner me!

Uh-uh, America doesn't taste like that

2011-02-09T13:49:00.003Z

There's nothing American about hot dogs in a jar, floating in juice like something grody from your high school science class.

Low-rent grocery chain Lidl is running a special "Taste of America" promotion offering foods that say "American Way" on the label. Must be true if it says it on the tin, right? Wrongo.

It's mostly junk food, and even while it's seemingly American staples, UK versions of things sold as "American Style" rarely taste like anything you'd pick up at Safeway.

The preparation varies, too. Note the cucumbers on top of the icky jar-juice hot dogs. Eeeewwww gurgle sputter choke.....

The Real Housewives of Slapout

2011-02-04T13:23:00.009Z

I don’t know if the world needs it, but I’m looking forward to the "Real Housewives of Miami." Will there be drama, fighting, and shallow rich chicks who think they can buy taste and youth? Um, yes, reason to watch and all that.

I’m no reality junkie, but a couple of the Housewives shows rate in my watch-worthy list – the New York and Atlanta groups to be exact. However, I’ll be skipping the next NY season since the best little housewife of them all Bethenny Frankel told the show to suck it and headed on to greener pastures with her own show (which also makes my must-see queue).

Then there’s "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" whose divas shine in all their feisty glory, plus I just like the ATL. The California and Jersey “ladies” bore me to tears, and the DC dames were only mildly interesting (and even then only because I looked for familiar sites in my old stomping grounds).

So I'm looking forward to the drama that ensues when you throw self-centered divas with more money than class into the ring in Miami. From the previews it looks like it will not be a gushy love fest (and where would be the fun in that?). I’ll be lucky to catch even a few slices of hot-headed Miami housewives unless the UK picks this up soon, as Hulu doesn't do a full run of Bravo programs. Just getting Hulu at all involves a little sleight of hand, as it frustratingly blocks non-Stateside viewers.

What I'd really like to see, though, is a realer, grittier version of Housewives. I'd like to see real women, the kind more likely to drive a Ford than a Ferrari who don’t know the difference between Gucci and George (the Wal-Mart brand). The kind of women who put out Doritos and Sam's Cola for guests. I'm talking 'bout my people, y'all. I want the Real Housewives of Slapout, Alabama.

I'm not from Slapout, but I always thought that was one awesome name (I’m not sure it’s even the real name, I think it’s actually Holtville but everyone calls it Slapout. It’s just fun to say). I lived in Alabama for many years and consider it home even if I never acquired the accent or understood the appeal of sweet tea, fried okra or ball caps. I’m still much more comfortable at a casual barbecue than a dressy sit-down dinner. I don't want to party with people who wear thousands of dollars in froufrou frocks, shoes and bags just to have a drink. I don't want to go much of anywhere these days if I can't wear jeans and sneakers.

That’s why I’m rooting for a show set in Slapout. It could be the antithesis of the other shows where the women spend buckets of cash to pretend they’re not tacky, classless oxygen thieves. No, the low-rent housewives might be tacky and classless (‘cause that’s just a better show), but they wouldn’t have to spend a fortune to get there.

And to be the opposite of the showy rich, I think you’d need to go showy country. Real country. Whether or not these women really represented others in their community wouldn’t matter (how much do the other housewives represent the majority of women in their towns?). No, you’d go for people with simple tastes and short tempers to star.

The Housewives of Slapout would have six dogs in the yard and remind their teens to take that hunting rifle out of the car before going to school. They'd always have an iced sweet tea in hand and flip-flops on foot. A special day trip wouldn't be to check out museums in Birmingham but rather to make a Hank Williams pilgrimage to Montgomery (the “museum,” the cemetery, lunch at Chris' Hot Dogs downtown). Fine dining would be Cracker Barrel, and they’d have to ride a couple towns over to get there.

They'd have a tramp stamp and wear belly shirts to show off a belly ring, even though that hasn't been a good look for them since, well, ever. They’d follow NASCAR and drink Miller Light. Wedding catering would come via Wal-Mart or Piggly Wiggly. They’d one-up each other over who has the nicest double-wide. And when they throw down with the other Housewives, they’d really throw down. As in on the ground to pound a heifer. They would bust wigs, talk trash and lose their shit. It would be spectacularly awesome.

The one drawback is people might think all Southerners are like that. Now, the part about sweet tea and flip-flops (it’s hot in Bama!) and double-wides and such is not uncommon, and no shame in that. The part about being hot-tempered and uncultured, well, that’s a certain segment of the population like anywhere else, but it’s not the whole. I doubt viewers think everyone is like the housewives in the other states, but when it comes to the South, folks love to think the worst. And the worst does exist; it’s just not all there is, not by a longshot. However, that Southern accent makes it so memorable and seems to make people think anyone who has one just rolled off the hay wagon. It doesn’t help that some of them did, and they’re the loud, memorable ones.

I think people only go for reality TV if it’s not much like their own reality. And if you soon see a new “Housewives” set on the wrong set in the sticks, a check better be heading my way, y’all.

Brother, can you spare a pound?

2011-01-31T16:00:00.004Z

Want to buy a few little things? Take a hand basket, no charge! Want to buy a LOT? Great, pay a pound or hit the bricks. Seriously, it seems a bit counterproductive to charge people for a cart. Guess they want to discourage you from stealing it, but that might backfire, too. I wouldn't pay to use a shopping cart, but I'd put in a pound to keep it.

This was at TK Maxx, btw, the UK's version of TJ Maxx. I've heard people mention not having the cash for a "trolley" before, but hadn't seen what they meant until now.

Edit: A friend told me you actually get the coin back when you return the cart, the charge is meant to cut down on people tossing them in the river. My sis says they do they same thing at Aldi in the States. Does it mean an area's a bit dodgy if you need to keep carts locked under coin and key?

Moon over Kings Road

2010-12-29T14:39:00.000Z

Hope everyone is having a lovely holiday season, even if it's a bit chill!

Partying like it's 1942

2010-07-01T12:57:00.008Z

Summer is finally here! And it feels like an actual summer, one where I don't need a jacket! Sure, it's pretty mild in my book with temps in the 70s and a light breeze most of the time, but it's warm enough that I don't need to "layer" myself to an over-dressed oblivion. Lovely!

Sunday (June 27) we went to Armed Forces Day events in Forbury Gardens. Lots of booths and stripey lounge chairs and kids running around. Some people even had coffee from the little snack stand, which baffled me -- when it's freezing I see people eating ice cream, when it's hot, a cup of Joe does the trick?!

We were there for a bit of live entertainment, the Dame Vera Lynn Tribute act performed by Diane James. She looked the part in an authentic period olive green uniform and a hairdo that surely required curlers the size of your fist and an hour under an old-fashioned hairdryer (probably also olive green, or perhaps avocado green) to achieve. She sang Vera Lyne WWII classics like The White Cliffs of Dover and sounded just like an old-timey record my mom would love to hum along to. The older folks in the audience sang along, knowing every word to songs I'd never heard of. It was fun and kind of sweet.

Wacky stuff in stores

2010-05-03T09:39:00.005Z

As the title says, a couple of things I saw while shopping recently...

Hots dogs in a jar at the 99p Store -- now that's living!

A shoe dryer at Clas Ohlson (which is kinda like Ikea -lite) -- looks like it might come alive and strangle you.

Blu-ray looks better when it's free...

2010-04-22T10:56:00.007Z

Have I mentioned I love bargains? Sure, often I spend too much time seeking them, or once in awhile take up an offer because it's good when I don't really need or want it that much, but this week I got a *great* one -- a free Sony blu-ray player! With a free blu-ray of "2012"! I bought it with points, painstakingly accrued by cutting long, hard-to-read codes out of Coke Zero fridge packs and inputting said codes into the Coke Zone site each week over many months. The codes were 10 points each, so we're talking about 100 packs of Coke Zero to get the 1,000 points to buy my prize. Soda's something we buy anyway with or without rewards, and we wanted a blu-ray player, so this really was a slam-bam-thank-you-Coke kinda deal!

It was also a bit like winning the lottery (a really small, non life-changing lottery) to even get the player, because there are only 100 available and they will be released randomly over a month. I got mine the first day they were up, within the 20 minutes or so before they sold out for the day. That saved me some madness, because otherwise I would've worn out the "refresh" button trying to get one of those bad boys. Seriously, I would've checked a couple dozen times a day to see if they had popped up on the site. I'm so glad it didn't come to that, and Hubby is really looking forward to blu-ray, too. His Coke Zero addiction has finally paid off for both of us! Yay, Coke!

Cafe Rouge ... paint it "blah"

2010-04-22T10:25:00.005Z

Darling husband took me to dinner for my birthday on Saturday. I picked Cafe Rouge because it was new in town (and yes, also because I had Tesco restaurant rewards vouchers to use there and I'd rather we spend actual money on shopping rather than dining -- and I did a good bit of birthday shopping this month!).

I wasn't impressed. Atmosphere was blah, food was blah, lady coming around trying to sell roses and collect for charity was so blah (but I donated anyway). I really preferred Tootsies, which used to be where Cafe Rouge is now. The dining experience was partially my own fault as I ordered food I couldn't remember if I liked, and once it came I remembered I in fact wasn't a fan of those things -- namely boeuf bourguignon and creme brulee. (Husband did enjoy his steak baguette and brownie dessert, and the bread and dips appetizer were good, so I wouldn't say the place is horrible -- just somewhere I don't find too exciting).

However, I still had a nice time being out with my husband and it was a sweet birthday (other than that business about getting older, man is that starting to be a drag!).

Around Reading

2010-04-11T11:59:00.013Z

It seems spring is finally here! It was much nicer to be out than it has been in months. Here are some photos from around town:

This sign (logo? placard? what the heck would you call it?) is built into either side of the bridge on Gas Works Road. Apparently the gas company put it there at some point, and it looks like it represents monarchy, but that's all I know. Anyone have further information?

Update: Tom has suggested this is the original Reading Coat of Arms (see comments section). I think he's solved my mystery; thanks Tom!

The above photos are of a gypsy caravan (i.e. wagon or coach) and the placard explaining it at the Riverside Museum at Blake's Lock. I couldn't get at an angle for a better shot,but it's a really beautiful piece of work with glorious, bright colors. A great picture inside the caravan can be found here.

The above is a painting at the Lemongrove Gallery on Minster Street that I liked when I saw it in passing. I couldn't make out if a price was listed on the little card, and when the price is not listed or written small, I'm sure that means it costs more than I'd pay.

This final photo was from a few weeks ago when it was still dreary out. The men are collecting garbage from the water. It's very hard to see, but on the top right of the boat and down behind the dumpster is a long line of shopping carts plucked from the river. Seriously, who throws a shopping cart in the river?!

So does that make 40 the new 80?

2010-04-05T17:09:00.008Z

Flipping through a recent issue of the UK's More! magazine (it's nothing I'd ever been the least tempted to read before, but I had a coupon for a freebie), I discovered two important things: 1)The mag is aimed at 20-somethings, and 2)the target audience apparently thinks I'm old.

I joke about being old, but don't think I am, really. I'm 30-something (by the skin of my teeth). But I guess the younger generation wouldn't think I'm joking at all, based on an article in More!

The bottom left cover of the April 5 issue reads: "MEET THE MEN WHO ONLY DATE OLD WOMEN." As I turned to the story, I had a sinking feeling I wouldn't like what they called "old." Yep, I was right -- the oldest "old" woman these young bucks were reported as having bedded whilst in their late teens was 42. Forty-two! Years! Old! That's not a freakin' "old" woman, that's an "older" woman, for Pete's sake! Oh crap, do only old coots say things like "for Pete's sake?" Dagnabbit!

Soap and Glory glee

2010-04-02T17:23:00.003Z

My post on Boots got a bit long, so I've broken out a section on one of the benefits of Bootsing, which has been discovering a few great products that I might never have tried otherwise. The downside is that if I find an item, say a body scrub, that I really love, I will also have several other types of body scrub from past deals that are merely OK that I need to use up before I buy more of The One, The Keeper, the brand worth Full Price. Ah well, so it goes when you stock up at sales.

The Soap and Glory brand of products is one of my favorite finds, and it's only available at Boots and Harvey Nichols here in England. In the States, you can find it at Target (yet another reason to shop at Tar-jay! Not that I needed one, mind). S&G products sport whimsical, girlie packaging. The names have fun with puns, like Endless Glove, Glow Job and Scrub 'Em and Leave 'Em. The labels often feature lovely divas sporting '50s glamor. It makes me smile just to see them on my shelf.

Yes I did! That's right, I took pics of some of my Soap and Glory goodies. And that's not nearly all of them. You should see the hatbox hubby dear bought me (now that's a good man!).

In case you're interested, curious or looking for fabby, fun ways to pamper yourself, here are some S&G products I highly recommend:

--Endless Glove Hand Cream. It's a creamy white lotion in a flip-top tube that really does make my hands feel soft and lovely. They smell mucho awesome, too, thanks to ingredients like daisies and kiwi. It costs £4.50 at Boots or $9.99 at Target. Of course, Boots often has it on sale for three items for the price of two, or 1/3 off each item (my favorite time to buy). I don't know if Target offers any such bargains, but I sure hope so.

--Heel Genius Foot Cream. The scent and even color are divine. The cream is a tasty looking shade of cotton-candy blue (that's candy floss blue to you Brits) and it has macadamia oil, bilberry, and orange and lemon fruit acid smoothers, among other things. There's a light citrus scent and it feels rich and so cool and creamy going on (sometimes too cool; I'll set it by the heater to warm it up). I use it before bed and pull on some cotton socks after. It leaves my feet smooth as a baby's bum, but smelling a whole lot better than said bum. This is $9.99 at Target and £5 at Boots (again, only if you pay full price, but why would you? Wait for a 1/3 off sale and pay £3.35).

--Mist You Madly body spray. I totally groove on this scent! I have various pricey perfumes (thank you Bootsing), but Mist You Madly can hold it's own as I'm trying to decide what shade of lovely I'll smell like that day. Very fun and light, and nice to spray on before bed so I can try to drift off to sleep with the feeling of how fabulous I smell. It's £6 at Boots for a very long-lasting 250ml bottle, and you can get it at Target too (though it was out of stock when I checked and no price was listed. I'd guess it's around $11.99 like the Girliglo body mist).

Other notable S&G products: Scrub Your Nose In It, The Righteous Butter, The Scrub of Your Life, Clean on Me, Calm One Calm All bubble bath, Hair Supply, and Flake Away Body Scrub.

Other fab Boots finds (also available at Target):
--No7 Quick-Thinking 4-in-1 Wipes: I recently read that face wipes can be harsh on the skin, and when I used them exclusively for a few days I did get some dry patches. But used at night only with a regular cleanser in the morning these cause no ill effects and feel lovely and refreshing. They are £6.50 at Boots, which is crazy high -- but it becomes a fair price when you wait until there is a £5 off No7 coupon out and stock up at £1.50 each. They're normally $6.99 in Target. I'm not sure I'd pay that much for them, may have to switch brands whenever I'm living in the States again.

--No7 Protect and Perfect Beauty Serum: Reviewers rave about this stuff, and it really does feel nice going on and seems to give the skin a bit of a glow. That may be imagination, all I know is I bought some when it was on sale (of course!) and really like it. I don't know that I'll use a serum on a regular basis when I run out, but I can definitely see buying this to use once in a while, maybe instead of a moisturiser some days rather than in addition to one. It's a much better deal in the States where it's $19.99 at Target, whereas it costs £18.50 at Boots. Of course, Boots being Boots, it's often on sale 3 for 2, or else there's a "free" sample bag of goodies as a bonus gift with a given spend. Yippee!

Boots bliss

2010-04-02T17:12:00.002Z

If you've ever been to England, you've noticed a very British tradition on the high streets, and at airports and train stations. The oval blue sign of Boots just seems part of the landscape to me, and seems closely associated with England itself; it's somehow iconic.

Everyone pops round to Boots for prescriptions or toothpaste or a sandwich at lunchtime (you'll see lines of people around noon with a "meal deal" of sandwich, drink and snack in hand for £2.99, which is often consumed on a bench on the high street despite frequently chill winds and threatening rain).

When we first moved here, we went to Boots for prescriptions and not much else. It seemed so very overpriced. It wasn't until later I learned that Boots jacks its prices sky high so it can offer sales and coupons and points on its store loyalty card (which can be spent in-store like cash). And then often marks things down for clearance, frequently leaving them on the regular shelf rather than moving them to a special clearance aisle, which makes it a bit of a fun bargain hunt each time I go in. It was due to deals and coupons that I discovered the fun Soap and Glory range, but I'll get to that later.

I indulged a bit too much in my gleeful bargain hunting when I first discovered all the deals to be had. Many was the time I came home with a bulging bag of heath and beauty products valued at £5.2 billion for which I paid a paltry £8.99. Or something like that. I've reigned that in greatly in the past year, but still have loads of lotions and potions weighing down my shelves as reminders of my early frenzy. I won't need to buy body wash or shampoo for a few years. Or mascara, eyeliner, lip gloss, perfume ....

The phenomenon, no the pastime, that is hunting for deals and getting some amazing finds at Boots is known in online forums as "Bootsing." Yes, people actually discuss their finds and bargains online, and share tips on how to get the best deal. And that's where it really becomes Bootsing, because the best deals are often a bit crazy, so good you wouldn't have guessed it was available (as in, why does that coupon apply to clearance items? Who cares, it just does!). Say a coupon is offered for £1 off a given toothbrush. Well, then Boots will go right ahead and mark those toothbrushes down to £1, and guess what! The coupon still works, the barcode scans, the register accepts it, and the sales assistant bags it up! Presto whamo, free toothbrush. And excited little fingers fly in a flurry to share the news, and then hundreds of Bootsers are storming stores around the land clearing the shelves of toothbrushes.

Or perhaps there will be a range of body butters where Boots is offering 150 points back on your loyalty card if you purchase one (and that equals £1.50 you can spend on almost anything in the store). And perhaps the coupon is aimed at the full-size items that cost £7.50, but it's accepted on the "mini" versions as well, which are on sale for £1.66. So in what is called "Boots logic" you are only paying 16p for the item because you get £1.50 back on your card to spend. And the Boosters are in bliss. And I end up with a stack of mini body butters at home that I didn't really need or want, and loads of points on my card. Those of you who know me will probably get some of these as a "just because" gift the next time you see me.

I have no idea if Boots does this intentionally to clear out items and increase foot traffic, or if it's a thoughtless mistake to mark things down just as a coupon is offered. And these lovely coupons are offered by Boots in a store magazine or in the store Account Card Machine (ACM), so the company knows full well what coupons are out there before they decide what to mark down or put on sale. But I ain't complaining.

The lovely bit about points is no matter how much you spend to earn them, they feel like free money, even though they most decidedly aren't. It's all the better because Boots is not like your average U.S. drugstore in that it also has premium beauty counters -- Dior, Clinique, Clarins, etc., as well as Boots own brand of No7 cosmetics. Visiting the Clinique counter is guilt-free when you're paying with points. Lovely. There's also a good selection of digital cameras, and I proudly took one home last year and presented it to my husband as a glowing example of what I could snag for "free" with points.

Not all of the deals were quite as good as the ones I've mentioned, and I often spent vastly more than I intended in the process of getting them, but it was fun while it lasted. The super deals seem rare these days, and you can't even clean up on the after-Christmas clearance sales online because so many Bootsers log on at once that the system crashes and Boots ends up scrapping the sale. The Golden Days of Bootsing are done, and that's fine by me. I had fun for awhile, but I'm done with getting an overload of items it will take years to actually use.

Duck fight!

2010-03-30T13:54:00.008Z

Hubby dear doesn't like me to toss out old bread -- that's for feeding the ducks. Which he never gets around to, or if he does it's after stacks of bread have grown into a hefty pile on the table. Today I told him either the ducks get the bread, or the trash does. I added in some tortillas to the bread and naan. So he wings the tortillas out across the water, whole, like a Frisbee. See the floating discs below? That's the tortillas floating along unmolested by duck, goose or swan.
Next he tossed out the bread, properly broken into pieces. Which promptly started a duck fight (I missed the best of it, but you can see below the victor chasing away his foe). That's probably the most excitement we'll see all day.

I am the champion, my friends...

2010-03-24T18:41:00.018Z

I failed to mention it sooner, but early this month I actually won something! The latest book by Julie Cohen, "Nina Jones and the Temple of Gloom." Yay, me! (Turns out Julie's an American living in Reading, like me. We should form a support group for Yanks Out of Water, though she probably doesn't need it at this point.)

How did I win, you might ask? I entered a competition on The Writing Playground where I described the most magical place I've ever visited (because Nina Jones is based around gorgeous Highgate Cemetery in London, the author's pick of a magical site). My pick? The Alabama Shakespeare Festival Park in Montgomery, Alabama, (the actual name is the Wynton Blount Cultural Park, but it's always the ASF park to me). Lovely theater, ponds filled with ducks and black swans, and a feeling of stepping out of the blandness of highways and shopping centers into a beautiful, peaceful world of quiet reflection once you enter the gates.

As for Nina Jones, I haven't read it yet due to the pressing weight from a stack of books yay high already battling for my attention. However, I did read another of Julie's books this month, "One Night Stand," which I bought when she gave a talk during local author day at the library. That book is set in Reading, and it was fun to see local landmarks pop up here and there and get a dose of romance.

And now on to some pictures of my favorite spot to linger, ASF park:

I adore this bridge. It's romantic and lovely and if you walk through that entrance to the right, there's a sheltered seating area overlooking a pond.

And this is the view from that little seating area. Divine.

And these are the HUGE fish you'll see frolicking away in the pond below. OK, maybe fish don't frolic, but whatever they do in there they've got a beautiful spot for it.

The park's a perfect location for a little sunset-watching.

Fire up the blur tool, that dude's smoking!

2010-03-09T16:35:00.007Z

I noticed last night that cigarettes were blurred in sketches on The Soup on E!. So were guns (we assume they were toys gun and have no idea if they were realistic toys or even Barbie pink plastic). So in a country where you could almost surely show a closeup of someone getting a Brazilian wax after 9pm, you can't show someone holding a cigarette or a gun at 7pm? I've also noticed that Comedy Central bleeps "dumbass" on "That 70s Show" (and if you watch the show, you know that's practically Red's pet name for his son, so the bleeps are flying).

One of the things I like about Brit TV is that they don't seem to chop up and censor everything. You can actually watch a movie or an old episode of Sex and The City on non-premium channels and see it uncut and unedited, which beats the hell out of what most U.S. stations do. All of which makes it seem all the odder when they won't show a guy holding a cigarette! The blurs even make things seem nastier, because when you see a man with something blurred in front of his mouth, you wonder what could be so filthy they had to blur it -- until you realize he's smoking. We're in Bizarro World.

Southern Gas Social Club

2010-03-04T12:27:00.007Z

There's an abandoned building by the canal with the windows boarded up and the gate chained. Over one doorway behind the gate is the sign: "Southern Gas Social Club." It's on Gas Works Road, so we presume it was a pub for employees of the gas company once upon a time? I can't find anything about it online, but it looks so interesting (with that mystery that all old, boarded up buildings seem to exude). It also looks like it could be converted into some great waterside flats. Or even a cool pub -- I'd hang out at a place called the Southern Gas Social Club.

If anyone knows the history of this building, please share!

And a view of the back from across the canal:

Fancy a cup of tea, mate?

2010-02-21T16:07:00.017Z

Throughout my life, people have offered me tea, at times forcibly. We moved to the Deep South when I was 13, and an old family friend insisted on pouring me a cold glass of the ubiquitous Southern sweet tea. Protests that I didn't like tea brought a laugh and a glass pushed into my hand, as though I'd made a little joke, because who doesn't like sweet tea? To me it looked like rusty water and didn't taste much better. I grimaced and left it on the table.

People went on offering sweet tea and shaking their heads in bemused amazement while muttering about "Yankees" when I turned it down time and again. By my early 30s, I was still a staunch tea-loather when an English boyfriend convinced me it was quite good hot if brewed properly. I wasn't totally convinced, but he was cute and I'm easily swayed. I started drinking hot tea now and then, mainly if I was freezing in an arctic workplace and wanted something with less calories than hot cocoa. (Why are offices kept cold enough to cryogenically freeze the staff, anyway?) I'm pretty sure I wasn't preparing it properly, but at least I was willing to give it a go.

Fast-forward several years and I'm living in England, the land where tea is so popular that many even call the evening meal "tea." It took me quite awhile to figure out that when someone said they were having company for tea, they actually meant dinner and not cups of tea served with scones and jam. And wonder of wonder, no one forces tea on me here.

But as of last week, they don't have to, I actually want it. Thanks to a little glass teapot I bought at Poundland (care to guess the price?), I love making tea, watching it change color, and pouring it out into a big mug. It even seems to taste better than ever before.

The hangup for me was always how to actually make the tea. I knew how to hang a teabag out of a cup of boiled water, but I couldn't figure out those ceramic teapots. Did people put those on the stove to heat the water? That didn't seem right. Did you pour boiling water into it (bingo!), and if so, where did the tea go (would you just leave loose leaves inside, or what?) Turns out there are various methods to deal with that (here's a nice tutorial for other tea numbskulls like me).

However, my magical little cheapie teapot comes with a built-in infuser (a little strainer that fits inside). I can put a teabag or leaves in there. It's especially lovely because the one time I always loved tea was if I went to a restaurant that brought my own small teapot to the table -- I'm totally charmed by that concept, like having my own little tea party. And now I have my own cute teapot and even know how to use it. I've even found a few teas I like, such as white tea and a specialty blend of blueberry and yogurt.

Now if I can only figure out the appeal of dry, dusty scones...

A little funny business

2009-09-23T11:13:00.003Z

Just a heads up for comedy fans in Reading: the outrageously funny Tanyalee
Davis will be in town during the Reading Comedy Festival! I don't know if her show is part of the official festival, but hey, they coincide, so enjoy one with the other.

The Canadian-born comic will be at Jongleurs on Friar Street (located above Bar Risa) on 9 and 10 October. If you plan ahead, you can save mucho £££s by buying tickets in advance with the help of a discount code. Using the code found here, you can get 3 tickets for the price of 1 -- if you order by 28 September. You can place orders for later on, presumably as far ahead as the Jongleurs' calendar listings go.

Tanyalee is a little person who brings big laughs. I've seen her perform several times, and she's always funny and full of energy. Here's a brief intro to the world of TLee:

John Pinette

Another must-see act during the Comedy Festival is American comic John Pinette. He's hilarious; I still sometimes use his catchphrase "You go now!" Want to see what the fuss is about? Check it out here.

Church chat

2009-09-15T14:56:00.007Z

The sights in Reading include some very beautiful, very old churches. I visited a few during last weekend's Heritage Open Days.

The oldest on my tour (in fact the oldest church in Reading) was Reading Minster of St Mary the Virgin (it's in an area called St. Mary's Butts, and I can't help thinking of that as the name of the church, lol). It dates from AD 979, and of the churches I saw, it seemed to be one of two that remained ancient inside and out. Some others incorporated contemporary features inside (like the flooring and seating and very modern touches), but this one was all beautiful old church through and through. The large, tranquil churchyard includes walking paths (often used as shortcuts by many) and crypts. Many people go there to eat lunch on benches or on a monument with steps. While we were there early Saturday afternoon, the grounds also featured a man drinking from a 40-ounce beer can and yelling to passing women. Classy.

The final, exterior picture was actually taken in 2008. The rest were from last weekend. I'll post more from other churches later. :)

I have a winner, part deux

2009-07-13T11:41:00.001Z

The winner of the original draw for the book"Britannia in Brief" never got in touch, so I drew again and have a new winner: Tiffany S. come on down! Congrats!

American Style Hand Car Wash?

2009-07-07T20:00:00.004Z

This business recently opened in the Kings Point building on King's Road. I don't know what it means, either. What exactly is an American-style car wash??? Note the broken glass in one window below, and boarded windows in another. It had been a vacant building ever since I've been here.

We have a winner!

2009-07-03T12:01:00.005Z

I'm sorry to be late announcing the winner -- my computer got "sick" on Monday and has been getting treatment since Tuesday, and in the flap of laptop woes, I honestly forgot it was already time to pick a winner! I'm borrowing a laptop now to go ahead and end the suspense, so drumroll, please:

Congrats to: Sharon Parramore of Tuscaloosa, Alabama! Please email me at groovy.yank@gmail.com with your address and I'll get the book in the post!

Dipping into Water Fest

2009-06-22T13:42:00.012Z

The River Kennet bustled with brightly colored canal boats and the occasional bellow of a steam whistle Saturday during one of my favorite local events -- Water Fest.

People crowded the walk along Blake's Wharf and up through the abbey ruins, browsing booths and jockeying for a spot to watch the activity on the water. I really love the canal boats -- the long, lean craft are designed to go through narrow passages and to be somewhat homey. Many have flowers and other homey touches, and the insides of at least some had stoves and places to sleep. I'd rather like a long cruise on one. If there are decent facilities for when nature calls that don't require some gross tank-cleaning procedure, that is.

The booths included fairly professional stalls offering food, clothes and crafts, to flea-market type stands run for various charities. Many of these offered several tickets for a quid to try and win a variety of items -- mostly also flea-market type stuff, but it was still fun to play. I won a bottle of chardonnay that my husband thought was awful yet drank anyway, a tiny teddy bear, and a couple of kid's toys I left for the next winner to take. There were also a few costumed people making the rounds, including the two women on stilts that "swam" through the crowd.

We also took a ride on a little boat with a green pavilion on top. I don't know what you'd call it, as it wasn't a canal boat and just held a few passengers. I loved the view of familiar sights from the water, and noticed a few things I'd never seen before.

All in all, it was a fun day that I wish came more than once a year.

Writing a go-go

2009-06-18T12:23:00.010Z

Romance writer Christina Jones came to a Reading library Monday. I'm not really into romance novels, but the books are set in Berkshire, which spiked my interest. Besides, hearing an author talk about how she works seemed amply worth the £2 entry fee. I really hoped she'd go into how she found a publisher, but it turns out she never had to try too hard to get one, and I didn't feel like asking questions (I've become a bit reclusive and shy, must work on that).

She seemed very down-to-earth and basically like a nice, average Jane. The kind of person it'd be nice to have a pint with, and in fact she works in a pub when not churning out a book at the last minute to meet deadline.

That's what I found truly interesting, that she works best if she leaves things to the last minute. I find that helps me, too. I don't wait until the last minute necessarily, but it's the deadline breathing down my neck that makes me actually finish something. I keep wanting to rewrite, take a different direction, start over. Ever since I've gotten off the treadmill of full-time journalist and freelance columnist on the side, I haven't written very much, even though I have more time. And I've started far more pieces than I've finished. With a deadline, it's the knowledge that I can't keep changing it, I have to finish and be done with it whether it's perfect or not that forces me to wrap something up, smack it on the ass and send it out into the world.

Of course, the deadline also helps because that means you already have someone waiting to publish it; it's a bit harder working on something when you don't know if or when anyone will actually buy the damn thing, and that you'll have to actually hunt someone down and convince them to take it. Then there are submission deadlines for magazines/journals, but that's the deadline for everyone jockeying to be selected rather than a commissioned piece, so it's not the same motivation because you don't know if you'll make the cut. A deadline for a commissioned piece or full-time job may be stressful, but in the end, it's a magical, lovely thing to have.

Of course, I've never written anything the length of a book. It's hard enough to decide I'm actually done with and can stop re-writing something that's 1,000-2,000 words -- can you imagine actually staying on the same track without second-guessing it all for 60,000 words or so and actually deciding it's ready to hand in? Hats off to that accomplishment.

I checked out a book by Jones before she came, because I didn't want to go if it was unreadable tripe. Luckily, it was an enjoyable book. It was light fare that distracted me from other worries for a brief time, and that's probably the whole point of romance novels.

I really didn't intend to blog on and on about this, but it was interesting to see how another writer works, even if it's a rather different sort of writing than what I do or what I typically read. I should've bought a book and said hello after the talk, but at the time I was just thinking of the mountains of books I already have waiting to read and that I didn't know if I'd get around to another romance novel. But now I wish I had, as I'd enjoyed the talk and I'm sure I'd get around to the book eventually. Ah well, maybe next time.

Bang the drum loudly ...

2009-06-11T19:22:00.005Z

This evening I heard a slow boom ... boom ... boom outside my window. When I went to look, nothing was there and the sound faded away. Within 15 minutes the slow, steady thump returned, gradually growing louder. This time I made it to the window quickly and snapped a picture of ... well, I'm not sure what's going on. A man at the front of a long boat pounded time on a drum as the other men rowed. The boat seems to be decked out as a dragon -- doesn't that look like scales on the side, and a tail on the back with the head at the front? Or is that a tail near the drummer and a head on the other end? I can't tell, but I'm sticking with my theory of a dragon theme to the vessel.

Anyone have a clue what's going in the photo?

It's contest time! Whoop, whoop!

2009-06-09T18:51:00.004Z

As promised, I'm giving away a copy of "Britannia in Brief: The Scoop on All Things British" by Leslie Banker and William Mullins (they were good enough to contribute a copy for the contest). The book is an interesting, witty guide to British pop culture and history; for more details check here.

So, what daring feats will I make you complete to secure this worthy prize? Here we go:

First, this contest is open to people in the UK or the U.S.
Next, tell me why you want the book. Your reply can be a simple, single sentence, or you can go into more detail (feel free to share!); the choice is yours.
Make your entry in a comment to this post (my preferred option, just click on the word "COMMENTS" below) OR via email. Either way, include your first name and last initial as well as your city & state (or city & country in the UK). If you enter by way of comment to this blog entry, I'll enter your name TWICE in the drawing. If you opt to enter by email (groovy.yank@gmail.com), I'll put your name in the hat once. By email, use the subject line: Book Contest Entry.
I'll do a random drawing on June 30 at 5 pm (GMT) and post the winner by July 1. If you're the winner, email me by the end of the day July 7 with your full name and mailing address. If I don't hear from you, I'll draw another name out of the hat and post it July 8.

Good luck all!

Want a crash course in what makes the UK tick?

2009-06-06T10:01:00.026Z

If you're an American arriving in the UK to visit or live, you'll immediately get an exciting sense of being in a foreign country, while at the same time experiencing a comforting feeling of familiarity because things here aren't all that foreign to us Yanks -- especially to fans of British music, TV, movies or books.

However, differences mount once you get beyond the first glance, and a brief bit of background on the history, slang and pop culture can go a long way to making sense of things. That background helps even if you've no plans to board a plane, but are simply intrigued by all things British.

I just finished a new book that serves up that background in a brief, contemporary, fun-to-read form that's perfect for Americans with little knowledge of the UK, and even old pros will find useful or enlightening information in its pages.

"Britannia in Brief: The Scoop on All Things British" by husband-and-wife team Leslie Banker (a Yank) and William Mullins (a Brit) serves as both history lesson and guide to life in the United Kingdom (they also write a witty blog of the same name). It could also help fans of Britcoms or Brit cinema decipher some of the slang, attitudes or comments they encounter (any U.S. fans of the Stereophonics wonder what the hell the song "Bank Holiday Monday" refers to? Check out Page 186 of this book -- just keep in mind that the lyrics of the song aren't an example of everyone's typical activities on these holidays.)

I spent about a month in the UK on vacations years before I moved here, and also learned a bit about it by way of British friends and boyfriends. Now I've lived here more than two years, so I'm not exactly a newbie to the information in this book. However, it still manages to offer several things I didn't know and give greater detail to things I knew of only in passing.

For instance, I live in one of the Home Counties of Berkshire. I just assumed all counties were called Home Counties and never thought more of it. Turns out that moniker only covers six counties that are immediately around London. Who knew? Well, OK, most English people probably knew that, but I sure didn't. Chapter 3 gives a good explanation of the leanings and types of newspapers, which is quite interesting to newcomers. I knew which ones were total scandal rags, but I didn't quite understand the different political leanings of the "highbrow" papers and what it said to the natives if they see you reading a given newspaper. This book breaks it all down, and keeps the explanations short and sweet.

I thought I'd just glance through a few pages of this book and relay a couple of facts, but I ended up reading the whole thing and found it a breezy, interesting read. You could finish its 238 pages on the plane ride across the pond and still have time to take snaps of the wing surrounded by clouds and catch some movie you'd normally never watch.

Keep in mind this book lives up to its title -- the information is "in brief." If you're a big history buff or like the full story behind a given situation or incident, this book won't fully sate your curiosity -- but it might just whet your appetite and tip you off to items you'd like to research more fully elsewhere. I really enjoyed the brief entries and getting a little knowledge on a wide range of topics here.

Tempted to read it? Then check back here in the next few days, when I'll post a contest to give away a copy of this book, thanks to the authors who sent one for me and one to share with my readers.

Descent into barbarism in Berkshire

2009-06-01T18:02:00.007Z

The so-called heat (it was 78F -- that's a heatwave to the Brits) may be why everyone seemed a bit crazy today. My misadventures in how a very little heat can rattle people not used to it began with two guys blocking the door at the post office. One hands over a wad of cash, while the other promises to pay it back soon and pleads with the first man not to lose his passport, as then he won't be able "to get nothin' cashed". The first guy, gripping a huge can of Stella (at a quarter past three in the afternoon), brushes him off with assurances. Now, why would you give someone your passport anyway? "It's better not to know" my husband replied ominously when I told him of the encounter. I'd guess it was some type of loan/collateral situation.

Then my hip-and-happening day took me to Poundland for a microwave egg poacher and a copy of Tommy on DVD for a quid each. While waiting in line, I was treated to "Drunk old dude in Poundland" theater. A little old man in a suit was shouting loudly to the woman checking out at the register next to him: "Do you want me to say it nicely or do you want me to say it rudely?!!!" She went on about how he cut in front of her, and he can't do that just because he'd had a drink, she wasn't going to let him get away with that. He repeated his question a few more times before yelling "F*** off!" a couple of times and teetering out the door.

I'd had enough drama at Poundland, so I toddled off to Boots. On the way there, I heard a woman talking about how "it was like stepping into an oven." I guess she meant the "heatwave." She better never go to Alabama, not even in the winter, if 78 with a cool wind is a heatwave. It's amazing how by the time temps are in the 60s, people pull out the shorts and flip-flops.

A few people were red-faced and pouring sweat from the "heat," and I'll skip my other minor misadventures for now. Let's just say I finished up at the grocery store, bought some wine, and headed for home, far from the madding crowd. Ahh, it's good to be home. When I told all the news to my hubby, he said "Descent into barbarism in Berkshire." Now how can I not post about it when I have a title like that hanging around, eh?

Busking on Broad Street

2009-05-25T11:07:00.005Z

Sunday on Broad Street some men dressed as American Indians were busking their hearts out to sell CDs of traditional music (I guess that's what it was supposed to be). These were some of the best faux-performers I've seen out there -- they went whole-hog, dressed in buckskins and feathers with one doing a dance and the other pretending to play some type of wood-flute. Note the woven basket at the dancer's feet -- they were collecting tips, too.

What they and others like them do is set up the instruments and even microphones and pretend to play the music that is blasting over the speakers -- music that is actually emanating from one of the CDs they are selling. I've seen groups do this with steel drums too, and as I came up I really thought they were playing at first.

The most pathetic attempt at this "faux performance" busking I've seen was a guy standing there singing along with Elton John songs. You could clearly hear him over the microphone, merging his non-show-stopping voice with Sir Elton's. I'm not sure he was even selling CDs, he may have just been collecting tips. Not many, though.

My post office has got it going on

2009-04-10T13:26:00.004Z

My local post office recently remodeled and changed it's whole set-up. I don't know if all UK post offices follow this new model, but it's such a great idea that I hope U.S. post offices follow suit.

There are counters with staff along two walls, and fairly hip red, sectioned oval couches with seating all the way around in the center of the room. And here's the best bit: You can take a number from a little ACM-looking machine and SIT DOWN TO WAIT. Woo hoo, what a fabulous idea! What's more, there is always a Royal Mail employee standing near the ticket machine offering assistance and directing customers to where they need to go for various transactions/needs. It's so simple, yet so helpful.

I think the whole "take a number and sit down" idea is particularly great. It's especially helpful to anyone with mobility issues, the elderly, a parent trying to comfort or wrangle little ones, women in ill-advised heels that are killing them, someone fighting an illness and just trying to get through the day, someone carrying heavy packages, or any number of other scenarios where it would be a godsend to sit down as you wait your turn.

This is truly an example of where a business in England is providing a wonderful example of showing that it cares about good customer service. And believe me, you don't find that often enough.

Are you f****** kidding me?!!!

2009-03-06T00:33:00.005Z

According to this article, the anti-bacterial hand gels located at many sites around the Royal Berkshire Hospital (the gels that aren't attached to the walls) will be removed amidst fears that youths will drink them because they are alcohol based. Um, even if none-too-bright youngsters wanted to try and get drunk off this stuff, would they really sneak around the hospital to steal some? Or just buy (or steal) it from any grocery store or drugstore? And is that really a big risk of happening, anyway?

It was already unimpressive enough that the gels are placed throughout the hospital with signs urging you to use them to keep down spread of virus (which makes you wonder how clean hospitals are kept here -- they don't have the antiseptic smell of U.S. hospitals), but now they are taking them away for such an unlikely reason? Not very confidence- inspiring.

Crunching onward ...

2009-02-17T20:22:00.001Z

Guardian columnist Charlie Brooker weighed in on the Great Crisp Controversy.

Crazy chip update

2009-02-16T16:41:00.004Z

So far, I've tried three of the new potato chip flavors on trial with Walkers, and they're all "meh."

One was more "bleech," actually. On the Fish & Chips flavor, my husband said: "Eeeww, I don't go for that. Get me some turpentine to wash that taste out!" He later said: "They taste like they were fried in Long John Silver's old oil." Not a glowing recommendation at all.

I actually thought it was OK after eating one chip. Taking a bite reminded me of Violet in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. She was the one who ate the gum that gradually tasted like all the parts of a meal (before she got to the dessert part and turned into a human blueberry). The chip didn't make me feel like a piece of fruit, but there was an odd sensation of tasting first the chips (fries) and then after a slight delay, the fish. After my husband tried one and nearly gagged, though, it put me right off these chips, lol.

We also tried the Builder's Breakfast flavor, and it was good. You really could taste eggs and bacon. But this wasn't significantly different than the current Smoky Bacon flavor, so I won't be voting for this chip, either.

Lastly, we tried the Onion Bhaji flavor. It really did taste like onion bhaji. Which I'm not super fond of. So this one was OK, but didn't earn my vote. Stay tuned, you crazy crisp fans!

On the streets of Reading

2009-02-12T19:21:00.003Z

Today out shopping in Reading's city centre, I noticed a couple of interesting things. Firstly, while someone walking along singing to himself may not merit much attention, a man walking along rapping to himself appears to have The Crazies. It sounds like he's having an argument with the voices in his head.

Secondly, they are much freer with clothing styles in England. It's nice that people can walk along in the middle of the day looking like they're heading to a costume party (fancy dress party to the Brits), when you suspect that's just their "normal" clothes. No one gives them a second glance. While it's really great to have this freedom, the outcome is a few people go around in really costume-like outfits. Sometimes they probably are on the way to a party, as the Brits love costume parties. But I still suspect a few outfits are just normal wear for others.

Today I saw a woman in a frilly blue dress (like something from a '60s high school prom), a tiara, and bright blue lipstick to match her frock. She was walking past the mall. I looked to see if she was carrying fliers or in some other way was dressed up as part of a business promotion, but no, she was just going about her business. My husband thinks she must have been on her way to a hen party (batchelorette party) even though it was the middle of the day, but I'm not convinced. If she were on the way to a hen party, she surely would've had a bunch of blinking, bobbing penises attached to some bunny-ears contraption on her head (normal hen party gear).

I think she just had this cool dress, so why not wear it? And if you're wearing a frilly, princessy dress, of course you need a tiara. And naturally you match your lipstick to your dress. You think? And does dressing like that limit your job options? Could you be a bank clerk or doctor or restaurant manager dressed like a Disney princess? Just a point to ponder.

Care for some Cajun Squirrel potato chips?

2009-02-11T10:08:00.006Z

One thing about the UK that's cause for a giggle to an American girl is the wacky potato chip flavors. The norm here is things like steak and onion chips (or crisps, as they're called), roast chicken flavor, and prawn cocktail. And they all taste a lot better than you'd think.

Now Walkers wants to find a fresh, new flavor that's freakier than ever (and perhaps more fabulous?) with it's "Do us a flavour, Pick us a winner contest." People were invited to recommend a new flavor, and six were selected to be whipped up for consumers to sample. Sadly, my suggestion of chili cheese fries didn't make the cut. But junk-food aficionados can sample the new tastes and vote for a winner, with the most "out-there" option being Cajun Squirrel flavor. Seriously. I just bought two little bags of each new flavor yesterday for myself and husband to try, and I'll report back what we think.

Here are the options:

Builder's Breakfast (egg, bacon, sausage and beans)
Crispy Duck & Hoisin
Onion Bhaji
Chilli & Chocolate
Fish & Chips
Cajun Squirrel

Hungry yet? If you've tried these or would like to, let me know what you think!

If you crave more information about this unusual contest, check out this story in the Telegraph.

Newspaper freebies are cool, too

2009-01-24T09:47:00.003Z

Another cool thing about England is the freebies newspapers often offer to get you to part with some coin. Granted, all these alluring freebies wouldn't be necessary if more papers here didn't seem to think a National Enquirer-type reporting style was the way to go, but the freebies are still nice.

For instance, the Daily Mail may not be that great of a read, but it can get some great DVDs on offer as freebies. My particular favorite is when they offer costume dramas for the price of a newspaper (as in when they offered Pride and Prejudice, the wonderful Colin Firth version, as a two-parter). This week I nabbed Jane Eyre, and today's offering is Lady Chatterley.

The shame is that the better papers, the ones I'd much rather actually read, don't give out as many freebies. They probably focus more money onto design and better writers -- though that doesn't stop papers like even The Times from having a slew of typos and sometimes doing rather misleading reporting that's far beneath it.

It will be interesting to see how UK papers can survive changing reading habits that are putting the hurt on U.S. papers. Will freebies make the difference? Would you be more likely to buy a paper in the States if it cost 50 cents or so more but you got a free Bowie CD? Time will tell what papers have to resort to, to stay alive.

British TV is kinda cool

2009-01-19T12:57:00.002Z

No, not all of the original programming is cool in the UK. Much of it sucks. Man oh man do they love bad game shows and asinine reality shows (they have precious little like the reality TV I watched in the States, like Project Runway - the UK spinoff sucks - and things like Breaking Bonaduce on VH1). People on Big Brother become celebrities and have even gotten their own perfume named after them (as in the now fallen Jade Goody). AND you're forced to pay a monthly "license fee" to finance said crap programming. (Though some of the programs are good -- a few of the comedies, and many of the costume dramas are fab).

However, what's really cool about British TV is that they run movies, as well as shows that originally appeared on HBO and Showtime, UNCUT. That's right, no key scenes cut due to content, no funny lines watered down into some stupid, nonsensical crap to cut out a dirty word. It's awesome.

I once watched part of "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" on cable in the U.S. It had been one of my favorite films back when I was too young to really be watching it. And cable TV ruined it. Due to editing, it was unclear what Phoebe Cates was doing when she was demonstrating oral sex on a carrot in the cafeteria, and a very funny line when stoner Sean Penn called Mr. Hand "You Dick" with just the perfect inflection became a not very funny voice-overed "You jerk." I gave up.

But in the UK, you would hear all those lines and more. You would see the scene where Phoebe Cates took off her bikini top and launched a million male fantasies. No cuts, no editing, no basically ruining the movie because certain scenes don't make sense anymore after the cuts. There's simply no point watching a modern movie on U.S. TV, even on cable - only the premium pay channels get it right. What's more, while you can't subscribe to HBO or Showtime here, you do get to see the best of their original shows on various Sky Satellite channels. Which has been nice for me, as I subscribed to just HBO in the States. Here I've enjoyed Californication and Weeds, both Showtime series I would've never seen (at least not unless I heard enough good word of mouth to rent them on dvd). Good stuff.

Showing your undies - Brit style

2009-01-15T21:16:00.003Z

This goes under the category of "things that gross me out about England." You know that hip-hop style of wearing ultra-baggy jeans with the underwear showing? Usually involving showing either just the waistband of some boxer shorts or, for full tackiness, the whole boxers with the jeans nearly falling off some dude's skinny butt?

Well, I've seen an English version of this look around Reading, and it's ultra-gross. A few super-skinny Brit youths will wear tight-legged, skinny stretch jeans with the waist pushed waaaayyy down below the butt cheeks so you can see all of their their tighty-whiteys (which are plain white jockey underwear, the kind that look like they were bought in the aisle next to frozen foods at some discount store).

I wish I had a picture of this look. It's ghastly and yet mesmerizing because I just can't believe someone would wear that. Icky.

Bored in Reading?

2008-11-05T17:57:00.002Z

Looking for something to do in Reading? Local blog Reading Roars offers a few good suggestions here. I have to say, I've done hardly any of them, but intend to change that!

Scenes from around town

2008-09-07T07:58:00.006Z

The face in the windows at Kings Point on King's Road.

Someone thought the Girl and Swan sculpture (there's a swan above her head) could use some hand-shoes. Everyone's an artist these days.

The gate at the Oscar Wilde Memorial Walk looks like the writer, and always remains open so that anyone may pass freely. The walk is just outside the old Reading Gaol (that's pronounced "jail" y'all) where Wilde was imprisoned for two years .

Getting dodgy with dollars

2008-07-22T13:35:00.004Z

My mom loves the Dollar Tree. It's a little store not far from her home in rural Alabama. Everything is a buck, and she can have fun shopping on just a little money. I have been the recipient of many silly, often tacky, gifts from said store, all of which were appreciated because they were purchased with love by someone for whom every dollar counts.

Last week Mom told me there's now a sign at the Dollar Tree that says they won't take dollar bills. Say what?! How can you not take a dollar when it's in the name of your store? Isn't that false advertising? That would be like if Pizza Hut stopped selling pizzas. It just seems wrong.

Apparently the reason for the ban on bucks is that someone has been passing counterfeit dollar bills at the store. So that means some criminal mastermind decided to not only go to the time and effort to make fake one dollar bills instead of tens or twenties, but he or she also decided the place to spend them that would be worth risking prison was the Dollar Tree. Because stale cookies, out-of-date toiletries, fuzzy dice and various other things not worth more than a buck anyway are worth risking a few months eating cheap hot dogs and dreading shower time in county jail while you await trial. And he or she will spend the time in jail, 'cause you can't post bail with $10,000 in fake dollar bills.

The beauty of bad dancing

2008-07-08T10:38:00.004Z

This video called "Dancing" by Matt Harding is a must-see. It shows Matt traveling around the world doing a silly dance, with brief clips in dozens of cities filmed on digital cameras. Crowds and children sometimes join in. The background music, composed especially for this video, gives a poignant feel. Seeing so many people around the world come together in a joyful celebration to do a goofy dance with a stranger actually made me cry a little. It's lovely, fun, funny and touching. Shake on, Matt. You can learn more about his story at his Web site.

Getting rural at the museum

2008-06-08T17:55:00.004Z

We visited the Museum of English Rural Life on Saturday as there was a special event with people doing demonstrations of old-timey crafts, music, etc. And peppered throughout the museum on various displays were stuffed toy rats, an homage to the lovely dark corners, grassy areas and rubbish bins of Reading. One supposes. There was even a game in the courtyard called Smack a Rat or some such in which darling tykes could take a bat and try to smack a toy rat dropped down a tube by a volunteer. Ah, a glimpse of the good old days!

But besides an odd preoccupation with rats, the museum was a perfectly nice example of a small museum preserving remnants of a past way of life, with old farm equipment, milk bottles, wagons, and homespun clothing. They even had the obligatory gift shop, complete with bookmarks made of sheep poo -- the perfect gift for that recycling fanatic on your Christmas list!

Porn at Poundland

2008-06-04T15:14:00.002Z

No, I'm not talking about some adults-only club with a graphic name -- Poundland is a store where everything costs £1, kind of like The Dollar Tree in the U.S., except with everything costing twice as much (£1 = $2).

This morning I found shelves overloaded with one-pound porn DVDs, bearing such titles as Suburban Wives 1 and Girls in Uniform 2. But I just noticed I got Suburban Wives 1 *Volume 2*. Oh no! Will the story still make sense if we didn't see Volume 1 first? Ditto with the other DVD, as it's part 2, Volume 5. They also had Suburban Wives sequels through to No. 7. Hubby wondered if they manage to carry the characters' storylines successfully through to the end. Hmm, I'm guessing there are no storylines.

I arrived home to tell my hubby what a good wife I am. Yes, I was out spending his money. But hey, I also bought him porn. At Poundland. You want to hand some surly cashier a pile of cheapo porn? Ok, maybe some of you do that regularly anyway. But in my case, that shows love, man. And I wasn't really embarrassed; you may recall me blogging about how this store sold vibrating stuffed penises with smiling faces around Valentines' Day, in among all the other fare you normally see at a dollar store (or 2-dollar store, in this case). So I think the cashiers have seen it all. And after we watch these films, I will have, too.

Yes, Virginia, editorial meetings really are boring

2008-05-15T08:44:00.002Z

The Liverpool Daily Post became the first UK newspaper to broadcast its editorial meeting live on the Web on May 13. I couldn't get through more than two and a half minutes. God, editorial meetings were dire when I had to go to them, and I sure wouldn't want to sit through them without being paid. At least if there are no cameras around, most meetings are slightly spiced up by the possibility of a good argument, chastisements over screw-ups in the previous day's paper, and once in awhile an inappropriate comment that has everyone whispering afterward about how so-and-so should watch what he says 'cause someone could go to HR over that. (That last one probably only happens in the States, because I'm not sure what it would take to be considered inappropriate office behavior in the land of making sexual jokes at the office after having a couple beers at lunch, but it's got to be something heavy duty to get into trouble here from what I've heard).

And could the people at the Liverpool meeting look any more uncomfortable? At least if the cameras weren't on they could doodle, surreptitiously read a paper, or try to doze off with eyes wide open. I can't imagine how much it would suck to have a camera at one of these meetings. Check it out below:

Bea Arthur's 10 Best Moments

2008-05-14T14:55:00.006Z

VH1's The Best Week Ever celebrated Bea Arthur's 86th birthday with clips of her top 10 moments. Check out No. 1 (below) with her reading about anal sex, and the one where she, Sally Struthers, Mrs. Garrett from "Facts of Life" and Mona from "Who's the Boss" do their version of "Sex and the City". Go on with your bad self, Miss Bea! (And thanks to the folks at pyzam.com for making the Hot Like Bea pic available to all.)

Bag is a poot ... er, I mean hoot

2008-05-01T15:25:00.002Z

The Oracle Shopping Center in Reading is giving away these "Bags for Life" (which is what reusable shopping bags are called in marketing campaigns here) this weekend. The slogan on it refers to gases emitted by cows, which can cause climate change (my hubby could explain all this better than I; let's just say the pic means that people are affecting the environment, too, and we can all try to be "greener").

If you look closely at the pic, the drawing depicts "wind" coming out of the cow's butt! That's right, I picked up my free bag with a picture of a cow farting. I think a U.S. mall would leave the "wind" off the picture, because we're a bit more delicate about bodily functions in the U.S. (a place where it's considered crass to say you're going to the toilet, as Brits do; we prefer saying we're going to the restroom or bathroom - that's far less graphic, as for all you know we're just going to wash our hands. If you say you need a toilet, well, that's more info than I wanted).

It starts so young ...

2008-04-29T12:06:00.003Z

Seems you *can* make people like you if you give them things. At least this kid is young enough to be honest about it (FYI, I was tipped off to this clip at Me and My Big Mouth):

Comedy top 50

2008-04-11T20:04:00.001Z

The 50 greatest comedy sketches of all time have been compiled online. It's a clip bonanza for your funny bones.

Snow!

2008-04-06T19:41:00.002Z

Snow. In Southeast England. In April. Kinda cool!

Gravel shows shades of Shatner

2008-04-05T11:52:00.002Z

Former U.S. Senator and current candidate to be prez Mike Gravel has some of the most freaky-cool campaign ads I've ever seen. Here's one where he recites Helter Skelter a la William Shatner (who totally rocks in his "Has Been" album, no joke. Check out my fav, Common People, and another fun one, Has Been. But I digress). Shake it, Gravel, you won't break it:

And here's another called "power to the people vs give peace a chance." Rap on, gramps!

Scenes around town

2008-04-01T13:34:00.006Z

I took my camera with me recently when I scooted around on some errands. Here are some local sights:

The above is a statue of Queen Victoria located in front of Town Hall.

And there's the side view of Town Hall, which stretches across a block.

Here's a view of the abbey ruins, as seen from Kings Road.

And finally, here's a picture of a sunrise a few weeks ago. Pretty, no? :)

Brit on a Wire

2008-03-29T19:00:00.004Z

Did you know that the dreamy, tough, flawed, sexy, cop Jimmy McNulty on the HBO drama "The Wire" is played by a British actor? Not just British, but Eton and Trinity College educated? KerrBoom. That was the sound of my mind being blown when I picked up the copy of Telegraph Men's Style inside the newspaper today with the picture of Dominic West on the cover.

On the show, he seems totally American, all Baltimore, a hard-working cop who screws up his personal life with ease. And of course I knew he wasn't those things in real life -- except I never guessed he wasn't American. I was already impressed with his acting before, but to know that he was totally putting on that accent on top of all the other acting work is just amazing. He sounds perfect for the part, never slipping in his pronunciation. That's even more impressive than his smoldering gaze. Just barely.

Dreaming of a white ... Easter?

2008-03-22T16:17:00.003Z

Snow is expected across much of England for Easter. The cold, wind and rain kept me indoors today.

Now that I'm addicted to bargain hunting (a hobby I need to curtail a bit as I may find deals, but I'm spending more than I would have on things that aren't really needed), it's hard to sit in the house when I went to be out! It's like I need a fix, and it's not as though I didn't go out several times last week. As far as I can tell, the country shuts down on Easter, so there'll be no shopping then, either. I wonder how you buy a Sunday paper with all the stores closed down (I've never seen a coin-operated paper box in this country)?

Slam this

2008-03-18T09:01:00.002Z

I may have been slammed. Very possibly it was just another example of gross inefficiency by a company, but it's hard to say. Slamming is "the practice of swapping a consumer's residential phone line over to a new company without their consent." Sounds highly illegal, but it's not.

I got a letter from Sky telling me it was sorry to hear I'm canceling it's Sky Talk service, which gives me unlimited calls to the U.S. for a flat rate this normally costs £5 a month, but which Sky had just agreed to give me for free for one year to keep my business, starting March 26. Which is exactly why I never would've dreamed of canceling service with them, yet their records show I have.

So I called Sky, and they said a third party has requested my phone service. Well, when I signed on for the free deal with Sky Talk, I also agreed to let Sky take over my line service from BT, saving £2 a month. I'm pretty sure the "third party" is Sky itself, their system just doesn't show it. It should, but this sort of thing has happened to me with other companies, where their systems are just crappy and the information isn't properly networked. So I asked the lady on the phone who the third party was, and she said she didn't know, that it just said "third party" and no name had to be given. A company can just contact your supplier, say they want your service, not tell you about it or even state who they are to the first company, and they can steal your phone service! Meaning if someone does steal our service in this way, we could make several calls to the States (or indeed the UK, as without Sky Talk you're charged per call here), and run up a huge bill without knowing our rates have changed! It's a huge con game!

So the lady tells me to call BT and find out who the third party is. I call BT, and they don't have a name, either! Holy crap, that's ridiculous! They then put me back through to Sky, and this time I got a man who said the system showed that I *wasn't* set to change over -- he said there were notes on the system from my previous call stating that I didn't want to change. But the first lady said if someone wants to take your service, you can't stop it! So I don't know what's going on. The supposed cancellation is due to take place March 27, and the 2nd Sky rep told me to call on the 24th to make sure there was no changeover. Except that the 24th is the day after Easter here, which I think is a holiday and I doubt they'll be in. Whenever I reach them, I'll call back on the 27th to make sure they really do still have my service so that I know my calls are free.

I do know, however, that no "third party" has sent me a "welcome" letter for joining their service, which presumably they would do. Which backs up my theory that the request to switch service came from Sky itself, which it what should have happened to change over my line service. This was all very stressful, very poor service and completely insane. Once it's all cleared up, I may call back to file a complaint, for what good it's worth. Maybe they'll give me a discount. They should.

Attacks on clergy

2008-03-17T07:47:00.002Z

Hate ain't pretty. Clergy are now being attacked by drunk a-holes, apparently over religious differences (the attackers were Muslim). Here's the story from the Times, and below is the gist of it:

Canon Ainsworth, 57, who was wearing his clerical collar, was punched and kicked by two Asian youths while another shouted religious abuse outside St George’s on March 5. He suffered cuts, bruises and two black eyes. He was discharged from St Bartholomew’s hospital but later readmitted following complications to an injury.
Canon Ainsworth moved to St George’s at the end of last year after his wife was appointed as the first female chief education officer for the Church of England. Mrs Ainsworth said: “Normally community relations here are very good. We have had very strong messages of support from the East London Mosque and Tower Hamlets Mosque, with whom we’ve got good relations.
“Clearly, the Muslim community is very shocked. These individuals were under the influence and this was a random act, but it may well be that some good can come out of it.
...
Nick Tolson, a former police officer who set up the National Churchwatch safety scheme, said that there had been an increase in faith hate attacks on clergy.
“The harassment is usually coming from young Asian men – often, but not exclusively, Muslim,” he said. “The police and prosecutors will classify an attack on a mosque or Muslim as a hate crime but not if it is a church or a vicar. These aren’t targeted attacks, they are spontaneous, but [the victims] are being singled out because of their faith and should be dealt with in the same way as other members of the community.”